georgeliquor

I'm in a writing mood. I haven't in a long time, but I've been thinking about it all day, and now I'm beer and whiskey fueled enough to sit down and do it.

Oddly enough, I went through my records for something upbeat and fun, I picked tom waits instead. The song "I hope I don't fall in love with you" seems fitting oddly enough.

So news in short: I worked at two kitchens. One of them closed down. For a day I lost my job, then I found out the next night I get to keep my job with cut hours. Awesome, but now I have a lot of time on my hands, which i don't know what to do with. I'm not used to working 4 days a week. Really, I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I should be working..which I might take my time to learn how to bartend, or something.

I had a girlfriend. I don't think I've written one thing about her at all. Which is weird in a way. From the start I knew it wasn't going to work in the back of my head, from day one I kind of said fuck it. She was great. Fun, intelligent, caring, and in other ways, was everything I could have ever asked for in a girl. All my friends loved her and spoke highly of her and said I found a keeper.
But it just didn't work for me. Sexually, something wasn't there, and I just lost interest over time. So after a few talks of trying to let her know it wasn't working out subtly, she calls me today and asked "Did we break up the other night?" which I reply to as yes. And that's that.

I had a wine dinner at my old restaurant, which I attended, and didn't cook. It was fun. There were a few critiques I had, but that happens. It was a lot of god damn fun though. I don't remember going home that night.
My replacement, is doing better than I thought he would. I'm glad to see he upped his game. He'll probably even surpass me there, which I'm glad to see. I want to continue to see my "baby" flourish. I was the nanny of that kitchen for 3 years, and I would hate to hand it over to a nanny who didn't treat it well.

I guess in a nutshell that's whats happened, but enough of the past. I need to vomit some thoughts out, and now, I'm just dry heaving. My mind seems to be a cluster fuck lately. I can't figure out what I'm doing. I don't know where I am anymore. I'm conflicted with so many things. Get my shit in order? or keep having fun? What kind of cook am I? What kind of cook do I want to become? What kind of cook am I able to become? Am I drinking to much? Do I stay on this path? What do I want? I've lost myself. I do this every so often. It takes me some time to find myself, and I feel like I become a new person each time, slowly growing up.

I hate growing up. I miss fruit loops on saturday mornings and cartoons. I miss video games til 4 am. I miss not knowing what sex and alcohol were.

They're just too much fun. I have too much fun. I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Fuck it. Life is good.