I have to poop and Im in a crappy mood. And Im drunk. And I have to fucking work early in the morning. Awesome. I suck. At everything. I was in a pretty good mood, but now, after Ive been thinking, not so much. Im irritated dude. Things dont have to be the way they are and it doesnt make me happy. Whatever. And every negative thing I want to say just isnt right, it doesnt fit, and its not how I feel, Im full of hope, and THAT is the shitty part. I would rather be pissed off at the world right now and hate every single person than to feel the way I do. Does that make sense to anyone other than myself?
Im losing. Hard. At everything. It seems like it doesnt matter what I try. I fail. Eventually. It might go well for a while, but eventually, it all falls apart. And Im a fighter. If its something that actually means something to me, Ill stick it out till it kills me. But thats all its all been doing, slowly killing me. I dont know whats left and to be honest I dont care. I just give up. Id rather get it over with. At this point I dont know whats wrong with me to even begin to start fixing it. While I may be a good person that means well and tries to be good to people and help, it really seems like Im just not good enough.
I think I deserve the pain Im in. There arent enough scars to cover it up.
I should just crawl down in a hole for a while and see what happens. Take it from there.
On a completely relative note but not really related to whats written
pour some out for your hommies cuz by a lot sooner than this time tomorrow, Sassy will be put to sleep. Apparently she got some kind of viral infection thats been making her puke and shit blood for the last few days and despite being in the emergency pet hospital since tuesday, they say there is no hope for saving her. Really the only reason she wasnt put down today is because we wanted to see her before they took her out back. How selfish can we really be.
And to think I really liked that last blog and didnt want to write over it
..........mmmmmmeh...........
Im losing. Hard. At everything. It seems like it doesnt matter what I try. I fail. Eventually. It might go well for a while, but eventually, it all falls apart. And Im a fighter. If its something that actually means something to me, Ill stick it out till it kills me. But thats all its all been doing, slowly killing me. I dont know whats left and to be honest I dont care. I just give up. Id rather get it over with. At this point I dont know whats wrong with me to even begin to start fixing it. While I may be a good person that means well and tries to be good to people and help, it really seems like Im just not good enough.
I think I deserve the pain Im in. There arent enough scars to cover it up.
I should just crawl down in a hole for a while and see what happens. Take it from there.
On a completely relative note but not really related to whats written
pour some out for your hommies cuz by a lot sooner than this time tomorrow, Sassy will be put to sleep. Apparently she got some kind of viral infection thats been making her puke and shit blood for the last few days and despite being in the emergency pet hospital since tuesday, they say there is no hope for saving her. Really the only reason she wasnt put down today is because we wanted to see her before they took her out back. How selfish can we really be.
And to think I really liked that last blog and didnt want to write over it
..........mmmmmmeh...........
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I am really sorry about your dog. Losing a pet is never easy. I don't think it's selfish to want to see her one more time. I am sure the animal hospital was making her as comfortable as she could be and you and your brother should atleast say goodbye, even if you can't be with her when it's actually time.
This is gonna get long, so to spare everyone else...spoiler it goes...
You are good enough, you know? From what I see you are exactly how you want to be...a caring individual who wants to help others out. I learned something SO important the other night. An old, old friend called me...one I had tried to "help"...I gave a lot to him...he took a lot that I didn't want to give him. I hadn't heard from him in 2 years. I felt like I was the worst person in the world when what I could give him wasn't enough to help. 2 years later...he wanted to thank me...tell me I was right and he's trying to make it better. Give them time. Sometimes people aren't in a place when they can accept help, no matter how much someone cares about them.
I'm sorry.