Im sure weve all gotten these in our emails from someone but just in case. A couple of these make me think of a few of the people I know.
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up!, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP (2nd place)
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Frederick Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Frederick, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit
happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL
Yep, shit does happen. Have you heard that stupid new Puddle of Mud song, I dont know the name of it because I dont like it but it sounds like hes saying, "Ready to golf at any minute" and hes pissed off because his girlfriend isnt like that anymore. Thats what I get from it anyways. They suck.
AND this new Disturbed song that they always play on the radio here in Cleveland, I swear to god he is saying, "Are you Satan? You want a steak-um?". I hate that band, but that song hasnt failed to make me laugh once since Ive heard it.
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
Eighth Place
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection
from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth
and pull the trigger.
Third Place
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door,
a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The
shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the
counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up!, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to
see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP (2nd place)
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Frederick Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries,
figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Frederick, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit
happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL
Yep, shit does happen. Have you heard that stupid new Puddle of Mud song, I dont know the name of it because I dont like it but it sounds like hes saying, "Ready to golf at any minute" and hes pissed off because his girlfriend isnt like that anymore. Thats what I get from it anyways. They suck.
AND this new Disturbed song that they always play on the radio here in Cleveland, I swear to god he is saying, "Are you Satan? You want a steak-um?". I hate that band, but that song hasnt failed to make me laugh once since Ive heard it.
you wouldnt understand
meow:
Nice seeing ya last night! 
