galen

So i was werkin on the house today and a young girl rolled bi on her blades. Tank top, shorts...glistening... But my first thought wasn't, "wow..i'd like to see her bent over bi the river and have a shot!".... It was, "wow....I wonder if there'll ever come a day when she realizes what it is she wants....needs...if her life will ever allow enough time for her to truly find herself"

A heavy thought for a Sunday afternoon..I know.. But a welcomed one while replacing damaged shingles, trust me. One side note? Me....talented shingle replacer? Not so much..

Watching her skate away as i sat on the roof, i finished the rest of my sun-warmed iced tea and wondered wtf was in it. Then i thought more about it as i werked to get my house ready fer sale. (blatent hint..anyone in the market fer a house?)

I thought, when do we really have any time to relax growin up? On one hand, you might look back and think, oh i had it made...long summers with nothin ta do but drug exploration, chasin girls, and beachin it. But there was always something hanging over our heads. Either more school, or college decisions around the corner, or the real werld with that wonderful job at "Over 9 billion sold" (did that). Or the ultimate of perfect distractions, the one you were dating.

Watching shingle nails roll off the roof into the gutter.....remembering junior high and the politics between different groups of friends.... The stress issues to fit in and fist fight everyone that challenged you, find your place, find a bag....etc... Once again, no time. Thinking about highschool again....nearly hitting my thumb with the hammer....remembering... In the back of your mind you know....you know it's coming. That big shitty cloud hangin over you. Parents, teachers, advisors, brothers, sisters...friends parents...even some of your friends turn on you, saying shit like, "what are you gonna do after highschool dood?"

FACK! I hated that question.. It's like when you're a smoker and you continually hear, "you should really quit, man..it's so unhealthy"...You just don't wanna hear it....you're not ready to hear that.

You don't know what you want yet... You haven't had time to know. It's an ocean you've yet to explore... You can even see it in the eyes of your friends...they don't know, but some of their parents had their future predetermined....at least for a few years. Hell, the majority of people you run into today don't even know what their doing..you can see it in their eyes ferchissakes. People who settled for eachother, got married too early, had kids, got a divorce or stuck it out. Some of the divorced ones are STILL lost.... anxiety filled, on the verge of disfunctional...Some of the ones who stuck it out. Look behind their empty eyes...you'll see the wonder there. The wonder of what might have been. Their voice says it's too late, but it's never too late. They just don't look up from the road they're on. They don't realize how much more there is, how bright things can get, how precious things are, how precious time is. They're exhuasted...too much hurt to leave it behind....nothing left.

There was a kid i grew up with...rich....i mean really rich..had everything and anything. Still does as a matter-o-fact, ran into him a few months back. What was weird was, i still envied him just as much as i always did cuz he had everything handed to him. But this time, i envied somthing else he had. He never went to college, never needed to, despite his parents wishes. Never got married either. The luxury he had all these years was time. Sometimes.... time with someone else, living with people abroad, etc. But lots of time alone. The funny part about it all was....he didn't even know how great the gift he'd found was.

Sitting there at the bar in Redstone (he was buying)... I knew.... I could hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes when he spoke. He was real as real can be. More human than human. The easy life allowed him to find himself. He'd discovered so much about himself in his travels and time alone. He envied me and the life i'd led, and i envied the same of him.

Sitting there with my pint, a smoke and $27 in my pocket, him with his single malt scotch, cigar and gawd knows what in his wallet. So many years, such different paths for our minds to arrive at the same place. More evolved than the next, but still lost like the rest.

He offered to buy dinner, but i wouldn't give him the satisfaction, lol. I believe my excuse was, "I need to get home to a great book i'm reading", the title of which i neglected mention. On the way out i grabbed a mint, gave the host a nod and hopped on my iron horse for the long ride home.

Oh, the book?

Myself..

G