It's crazy a good portion of my adult life has been spent coming here and participating or reminiscing. I went through all my posts. Crazy to think about where I was and where I've been. Hope your Quarantanuary is going alright out there.
We broke up yesterday. Time to move on. Shit sucks. Oh well.
I wish I was weaker than I am. I wish I was less determined. I wish I knew how to give up or quit. I wish I knew what it was like to only see things in a way that made things a more gray area place than I live in. I wish I knew how to fix where I’m at and knew how to...
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She asked me tonight for space. I have to respect that. It hurts, but it’s something that I can’t negotiate. I hope that she’s not leading me on. We still have a trip planned together. I hope that in taking a step back, when can take more steps forward. If not I guess I’ll be my usual single self. Only time will tell.
My anxiety has spoken to me in ways that my own enemies haven’t. It tried to convince me that my girlfriend didn’t want me to come into town. It tried to convince me to stay in Phoenix and not Fly to NYC. It tried to convince me that all of its lies were true and thankfully my support system and friends convinced me to tell...
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I’ve seen such beauty in this world. Such peace. I’ve seen both oceans here in America and dug my feet in the sands. I’ve seen museums and paintings that evoke such passionate joy that I’d sit and stare for hours. I’ve seen acts of kindness that could be only believed if seen with your own eyes. I’ve seen such love that it would break a...
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When do you draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough? When do you just admit you’re too much for anyone else? Or that you’re not enough? That you don’t have the tools to be in a happy healthy relationship? When do you just admit you’re better off alone? When do you admit that your inner monologue is right and has been...
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I’ve struggled my whole life with being pessimistic but never really thought that the late nights and almost paralyzing fear were something that affected my daily life. It was separate. But now it’s making me stay up late, not eat, have anxiety caused by fear of abandonment and an sense that everything is just temporary so why keep people around. I’m getting help tomorrow. I’m...
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Life is a cycle of repeated failures until you figure out how to make it work for you. I have no idea how to stop my cycle. And I’m tired of trying. Tired of being alone. Tired of putting in work and getting nothing. Tired of being used. Tired of missing home. Tired of going places and feeling alone, even in a room full of...
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