freudianslip

Sleeping solitary, ephemeral dreaming.. More enriching by far than this life.. Half life.that is. The dreams leave too quickly. They play out before there is any awareness of what is happening under the veil of closed eyelids. The confusion overwhelming the dream time still at this point in the game. Usually an exercise in mild panic or sensation of complete chaos Awakening, alone, cold bed, cold sweat,cold room. Heart racing, a memory of a dream or was it more like an out of body experience treading water in the periphery of thought. Body curled into a fetal crescent facing away from the wall. The room is dark. Laying in the dark listening to nothing but heart beat, deep breaths, in and out, in and out, in and out..hoping in some small way to inhale sleep and wholeness and exhale some small part of the emptiness of this room. Seconds, then minutes, then hours elapse with occasional shifts in position. And still staring into the blackness of the room. Resigned that sleep will remain elusive for now, stumbling to the bathroom. Navigating the few feet by the floor.. urinating , flushing the toilet, washing handsall of this in the dark and then wandering to the "kitchen", the sink and microwave and hotplate.. An area much neglected by the occupant. This sink is filled with dirty dishes, the garbage is stuffed with pizza boxes and stale half empty bags of chips, a wrinkled up dishrag lays across the hotplate, an invitation to disasterperhaps a unconscious hope of ending this exile from the world. collapsing onto a dilapidated chair next to the equally decayed formica table.. a memory comes.....