fred

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years all you SGers!


I'm on computer vacation this next week.
Be back the start of the year.

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Interactive UPDATE:
I'm trying to come up with a catchy holiday saying.
What do you think?
a) Have a "Merv Griffin" Christmas!
b) Happy meat-by-product holidays!
c) Fuck your fucking christmas... fucker.
d) Have a Hobbit Jew Year!
e) It's the season for Saliva!
f) Have a Polyester Christmas and a Polyurathane New Year!
g) "Hammy" Christmas everyone!

Vote, or come up with your own!

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Read my cheesy christmas shopping adventure:

Sunday, December 22, 2002; 1:45 P.M.
San Diego, CA

It was a desperate time, a desperate hour.
The pressure of the world on my shoulders.
Could I do it? What was the point of it all?
Yes... I could do it.. and I did do it. [mission impossible theme]


The playback...
Now we're starting out kind of late in the day, but you gotta get out eventually.
You start with a good bet, the big bookstore Bookstar. You got at least a couple of books, plus maybe some other small crap you can get. You got the cards.
It's not the big payoff, but you gotta start small. Allright it's pretty crowded. Browsing, browsing, more browsing. We got a couple of books over an hour later. Doing allright at this point.
They do the wrapping for you that is a plus. We like that.
Half of the stuff is for me. I got a "Pimsleur Japanese CD set" since I heard it was the bomb. Doing just okay at this point. We need some traction. The big presents are still out there.
Get an iced coffee, deal with the traffic. Not too bad.

OK now we're a couple of hours into it over at Fry's. I escaped the traffic pressure with the back route move. That bought me key time and less aggravation. That's gonna help me endgame here.
Now almost an hour into it not much luck. Ran into someone I know. Yeah shooting the breeze and is fine but I got stuff to buy dammit. This is presure!
Allright get back into it. Work the Fry's, back and forth. Doing some gift flip-flopping "This'll do... Nah..This'll do... Nah." The time/gift ratio is going down. We need to score here.
Losing steam now, but then [BOOM] Oh, what a move! The "tele-zapper". Big points. That's going to be a key present. Yes this fits the need, there was a mention of this earlier so you know it's good.
A key difficult gift down. Doing a lot better now, the momentum's on my side. Then... oh my god! It's one, two, three, a triple-banger -- the little remote-control car.
This is a good one. You go big, you go multiple for this. When you hit paydirt just milk it. It's gonna be a lot of fun at the christmas dinner with the cars. Dad, brother, uncle and one for me.

Okay not bad. The line to buy not too bad either. Oh and the back route is paying off big once again. Stll have some time left.
Saving the female stuff for last. We're going for it now. It is something of a risk, the Hail Mary. It has to be a solid thing, a simple thing... candles.
They should like candles, I'm thinking. Lotion, perfume, clotihing too iffy. You gotta pick the right thing. Too hard.
Candles are like flowers for Christmas. A sure thing no-brainer.
Walking around the mall getting lost. Oh the crowds. Gotta take a leak, dash into a department. Where do they hide the toilets around here? Ah, the perfume section is making me sneeze.
The perfume ladies, the shopping, the horror. I'm starting to feel the shopping trauma. OK hold on... I can do this DAMMIT!
What a relief back outside. Must find candles.
Wandering around bedazzled by the hordes... Ah there it is! I stumbled right into it.
Go, go, go.. don't think! Get it - lilac, lavender, lemon, votive holders, whatever... Oh yes the mother payload.
It would be tacky to bring all candles but they make good supplements. It takes strategy.
It's like, "Here's a book and some candles", or "Here's a DVD and some candles". Sometimes it's just one deluxe candle. It depends.
You have to take the gift giving location into account also. Three candles all at once, "Candle for you, candle for you, etc." Uh-uh, no good.
But if they're all seperate giving locations, no problem.

Ahh.. got that taken care of now just to escape... Agh, parking lot hell. then more traffic, kind of agonizing but I'm almost home now.
I could let up, but now this has to be done right. No time to let up now. Stop by Rite-Aid. Get the wrapping paper, tape, tags. There that's it.
Now just to eat some dinner relax and sit on the floor and wrap these babies up.
Get out the Spongebob Squarepants wrapping paper. Start a cuttin.
I even have those little nametags on them too. Is this too good or what?
Not the neatest wrapper anymore. I used to be good at this for some reason. I just want to get it over with at this point.
Ahhh... it is now a wrap. Stick em in a bag and play like Santa... mission accomplished. I feel like spiking the bag of presents. No, not a good idea.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
It was a shining moment, that Christmas shopping day of 2002. One I hope never to live down.