frankenhovey

Bare with me, this is a bit tangiential and I am not sure I have a real point.

I never "got" poetry. I realize poetry is about emotion but I am not moved by 99% of poetry I read. I am always looking for the "story" in poetry like in epic peoms such as Milton's Paradise Lost, Dante' Divine Comedy, or Beowulf. That being said I saw the following video about a year ago and rewatched it today.

Otep is the lead singer for a favorite metal band of mine called OTEP (bet you did not see that coming). By listening to her music and lyrics and reading some of her online poetry, it is pretty easy to tell she had a rough life. Here is a sample from HBO's Def Poetry Jam:

OTEPOTEP

This video evoked a pretty strong emotional response from me and got me thinking. This woman went through abuse her entire life but turned that around and made her a very independent and strong woman. Now I know a few people who have had a similar experience (some of them are extremely close to me) and some of them have been broken by this experience while still others use it as fuel to make them stronger.

This got me thinking about the Nature vs. Nurture debate. Is our philosophy of life and personality created by some preordained chemical arrangement in our brains or does our experiences shape us. I happen to believe there is a Yin/Yang like balance of both. That is why some are broken by hardship while others carry on.

This in turn got me thinking how it effects my life. I know my personality has developed many layers over the years but one thing has remained constant in my psyche. I have a tendancy to remain emotionally distant and detached from many things especially new experiences. This has been a blessing and a bane. It is extremely helpful in my job (it is how I can deal with crisis situations and physical conflicts effeciently on a daily basis as well as remain objective when dealing with those who are accused of horrible crimes). Unfortunately, it hinders my ability to develop new relationships and friendships. I also think that is why I take it so hard when relationships and friendships have disappointments because it took me so long to allow myself the emotions associated with said relationships.

It also got me to realize the contribution my family made to my core being and how thankful. I believe the above emotional detachment could have created a monster,so to speak, without the influences of my family especially my parents and sister. Both my parents and my sister (who was more of a mother, due to being ten years older, than a sibling) have greatly influence me in what I believe is the right direction.

My extended family is also an extension of this moral compass. I have got to say I am regularly amazed to see the world through Bobby NO NO eyes. Although I am not a negative person nor do I see things in a negative way I also rarely see them in a positive light. I just look at it as it just is...it just exists. Bobby No No on the other hand sees everything in a positive light with a healthy dose of sarcasm. It is one of the most unique perspective and the most enjoyable in my family.

Basically, I started out discussing creativity derived from abuse and end it by giving shout-outs to my family. Kinda fucked up ain't it.