Ode to an update.
Written by Frag. Ninth of the First, Twenty Ten.
Mainly fueled by my dislike of the Eyelander and Equalizer.
Please forgive any grammar issues. I'm tired. =)
Only read this if you play TF2. Not that I imagine any of you do.
Just in case though. I'm pretty proud of it.
Now don't get me wrong,
it sure started out strong.
with new items and weps,
there was choice for the schleps.
Medic was great, His unlocks were top notch.
Never a more effective way, to fire needles at your crotch.
The Kritzkrieg was big fun, a totally new game play style.
Though to grow accustomed to it, did take quite a while.
Uber saw needless to say was just great,
I give it the highest marks that I can rate.
So with such a fun start I just have to wonder..
Why on earth did everything get torn asunder?
With Pyro came the first of valves faults...
How disgustingly over powered he was sure gave us our jolts.
The axetinguisher though first underrated,
It's power was soon found to be undebated.
The flare gun gave the class something to choose,
For that I don't think valve deserve any abuse.
However the backburner was genuinely an insult.
More health for a strong class gave us new wounds to salt.
Plus now they can bounce us around...
Like a giant child in a ant's playground.
The deterioration at this point was barely to note.
and with Heavy came a new ray of hope.
His unlocks were weak but were all fun ways to play.
They made you feel like logging in the next day.
Sandwich although grossly under powered.
Made us laugh for hours and hours.
The KGB was a tough choice to make...
Kritz attacks or taunt kills plus the speed they would take.
Natasha was useless except against scout.
To this day that is something that holds true and stout.
Now look on valve's next move and let's weep.
Because the gifts they gave to scout scarce let me sleep.
He was already a right little nightmarish terror...
But now add flight, stunning, and speed into the measure.
The Sandman although sapped you of your double jump,
made your enemies still enough for a poodle to hump.
FAN's reloading and access to basic flight,
Made you a obnoxious little filthy blight.
and now we come to the bonk energy drink..
I had nothing to say and I still don't I think.
At this point the game's unbalance had started to swell.
It was getting easier for what class was best I can tell.
Then although spy's arrival was amusing and welcome,
It gave us all terrifying things to raise hell from.
The Cloak and Dagger was a great new invention.
Mister spy was now easier for those with a vast span of attention.
Dead ringer took the opposite track,
It was basically a never die ever nick nack.
The ambassador made me laugh all day long,
The head shots were cool as well as the mother joke that was oh so strong.
I don't know what they were thinking with this next update,
I know many a player this has made quite irate.
Poor Sniper got the short end of the stick,
Only one of his unlocks was worth even half a pick.
The Jarate is a amusing and useful item,
Although now closeish combat had to be hand to hand fight em'
The razorback now tell me what the hell they were thinking...
Just after the ambassador and all that rotten stinking?
Now the huntsman, there's a small joke that has steadily become worse.
It's so underpowered it should be hauled out of the game in a hearse.
Now I'm taking a break from my pattern so far,
Because this next bit makes me want to smack valve with a crowbar.
They've steadily sapped lots of the skills afore mentioned,
Also added new things into the contention.
Giving scout back his double jump kinda made sense,
Taking away Pyro's health was a bit off the fence.
Force of Nature was just made better and better,
Although Heavy's stuff was left like a stinky old sweater.
Why didn't they improve the classes that started off weak?
As opposed to the ones that made the rest meek.
The start of the war was a whirlwind of bright new fun,
My main's a medic and I prefer soldier to kritz and then run.
So every day there were plenty of my favourite class,
To follow around and help them kick ass.
Naturally they won, and the unlocks were released,
Who would of thought this would make the fun in this game decrease?
I'll need a few lines to discuss my distaste,
For the Eyelander and the entire demo race.
I'll get back to it at the end I'm sure,
Because that fucking weapon makes me want to punch the floor.
Charging Targe made the Demoman undefeated and spited,
Now he can run and also never be blown up or ignited.
The scottish resistance is just a TAD wrong...
Especially when from spawn the final point can be held strong.
Now I'm chucking in more hate for the Eyelander...
Around corners? Instant kills with wide range what's there not to slander?
The thought of what they did to my soldier makes me cry.
Back to heavy I guess, except they find it hard not to die.
Gunboats? Kinda useful I guess.
Worth losing a friend over? Doubtful at best.
Banner is cool and useful but never used.
Rallying the troops better than a uber seems odd to not abuse.
The Direct Hit... Oh great, like the rocket launcher wasn't strong enough.
They really chose a AWESOME weapon to insanely buff.
Equalizer makes me scream curse and shout.
Nothing better than popping uber and having them pull it out.
Thanks valve for yet another fun update.
For fueling some true artistic hate.
I just have to ask when you intend to Nerf the new unlocks?
Because until you do this game is a ticking clock...
Just something for me to do whilst looking for something else to hold my attention.
Because the way things are going water is not in retention.
So thanks valve I'm strong behind my belief that you're to blame
For the updates that have ruined my very favourite game.
Written by Frag. Ninth of the First, Twenty Ten.
Mainly fueled by my dislike of the Eyelander and Equalizer.
Please forgive any grammar issues. I'm tired. =)
Only read this if you play TF2. Not that I imagine any of you do.
Just in case though. I'm pretty proud of it.
Now don't get me wrong,
it sure started out strong.
with new items and weps,
there was choice for the schleps.
Medic was great, His unlocks were top notch.
Never a more effective way, to fire needles at your crotch.
The Kritzkrieg was big fun, a totally new game play style.
Though to grow accustomed to it, did take quite a while.
Uber saw needless to say was just great,
I give it the highest marks that I can rate.
So with such a fun start I just have to wonder..
Why on earth did everything get torn asunder?
With Pyro came the first of valves faults...
How disgustingly over powered he was sure gave us our jolts.
The axetinguisher though first underrated,
It's power was soon found to be undebated.
The flare gun gave the class something to choose,
For that I don't think valve deserve any abuse.
However the backburner was genuinely an insult.
More health for a strong class gave us new wounds to salt.
Plus now they can bounce us around...
Like a giant child in a ant's playground.
The deterioration at this point was barely to note.
and with Heavy came a new ray of hope.
His unlocks were weak but were all fun ways to play.
They made you feel like logging in the next day.
Sandwich although grossly under powered.
Made us laugh for hours and hours.
The KGB was a tough choice to make...
Kritz attacks or taunt kills plus the speed they would take.
Natasha was useless except against scout.
To this day that is something that holds true and stout.
Now look on valve's next move and let's weep.
Because the gifts they gave to scout scarce let me sleep.
He was already a right little nightmarish terror...
But now add flight, stunning, and speed into the measure.
The Sandman although sapped you of your double jump,
made your enemies still enough for a poodle to hump.
FAN's reloading and access to basic flight,
Made you a obnoxious little filthy blight.
and now we come to the bonk energy drink..
I had nothing to say and I still don't I think.
At this point the game's unbalance had started to swell.
It was getting easier for what class was best I can tell.
Then although spy's arrival was amusing and welcome,
It gave us all terrifying things to raise hell from.
The Cloak and Dagger was a great new invention.
Mister spy was now easier for those with a vast span of attention.
Dead ringer took the opposite track,
It was basically a never die ever nick nack.
The ambassador made me laugh all day long,
The head shots were cool as well as the mother joke that was oh so strong.
I don't know what they were thinking with this next update,
I know many a player this has made quite irate.
Poor Sniper got the short end of the stick,
Only one of his unlocks was worth even half a pick.
The Jarate is a amusing and useful item,
Although now closeish combat had to be hand to hand fight em'
The razorback now tell me what the hell they were thinking...
Just after the ambassador and all that rotten stinking?
Now the huntsman, there's a small joke that has steadily become worse.
It's so underpowered it should be hauled out of the game in a hearse.
Now I'm taking a break from my pattern so far,
Because this next bit makes me want to smack valve with a crowbar.
They've steadily sapped lots of the skills afore mentioned,
Also added new things into the contention.
Giving scout back his double jump kinda made sense,
Taking away Pyro's health was a bit off the fence.
Force of Nature was just made better and better,
Although Heavy's stuff was left like a stinky old sweater.
Why didn't they improve the classes that started off weak?
As opposed to the ones that made the rest meek.
The start of the war was a whirlwind of bright new fun,
My main's a medic and I prefer soldier to kritz and then run.
So every day there were plenty of my favourite class,
To follow around and help them kick ass.
Naturally they won, and the unlocks were released,
Who would of thought this would make the fun in this game decrease?
I'll need a few lines to discuss my distaste,
For the Eyelander and the entire demo race.
I'll get back to it at the end I'm sure,
Because that fucking weapon makes me want to punch the floor.
Charging Targe made the Demoman undefeated and spited,
Now he can run and also never be blown up or ignited.
The scottish resistance is just a TAD wrong...
Especially when from spawn the final point can be held strong.
Now I'm chucking in more hate for the Eyelander...
Around corners? Instant kills with wide range what's there not to slander?
The thought of what they did to my soldier makes me cry.
Back to heavy I guess, except they find it hard not to die.
Gunboats? Kinda useful I guess.
Worth losing a friend over? Doubtful at best.
Banner is cool and useful but never used.
Rallying the troops better than a uber seems odd to not abuse.
The Direct Hit... Oh great, like the rocket launcher wasn't strong enough.
They really chose a AWESOME weapon to insanely buff.
Equalizer makes me scream curse and shout.
Nothing better than popping uber and having them pull it out.
Thanks valve for yet another fun update.
For fueling some true artistic hate.
I just have to ask when you intend to Nerf the new unlocks?
Because until you do this game is a ticking clock...
Just something for me to do whilst looking for something else to hold my attention.
Because the way things are going water is not in retention.
So thanks valve I'm strong behind my belief that you're to blame
For the updates that have ruined my very favourite game.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
frag:
Should I take this as a compliment? =3
_mute:
Definitely