faye

Sooooooooooo been checking things out.

The Montreal thing looks like it wont be happening I can't find I job that I'll be happy with. I don't want to be some hated telemarketer. Which everyone always suggests.
It makes me super sad because Matt is there and all the people I met while I was there are so amazing and great.
I completely wanted to hang out more with Eli, Mo, Wolfmisque, Metric and Cathedra.

However, I was checking around for jobs today in Vancouver, and ended up calling the North Vancouver Kelseys and talked to Grant the manager. I explained who I was and he instantly knew John Dawe who's the owner of the Kelsey's I work at. So we were talking and it turns out that he runs the Kelseys that makes the most money. Their sales go up $2000 every week or something like that. So I told him I was completely interested so he told me to email him my resume and stuff.

I may not take it because I probably wont be able to move until the start of June, I have to get enough money together to go and whatnot but talking to him and a couple other guys just made me feel like it could really happen and I was super excited!!!

So here I am super excited!! YAY! Hopefully things work out, I joined the BC group so hopefully I'll be able to find a roommate and whatnot before I go.

YAY YAY YAY, this makes me feel so happy and free instead of caged and depressed.




I am a very happy bunny!

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO upon greater inspection, Emily Carr costs $4000 a year to go to, I have a history of NEVER getting student loans because...well I don't knwo why, I'm from a single parent home, the other parent doesn't pay child support. BAH BAH BAH! Now I feel like things are hopeless again.

Matt was trying to pep talk me and tell me that I should giver shit and go and that things will work otu but really I don't feel like I have fucking time to play around....

I DON'T HAVE MONEY, I DON'T HAVE TIME and I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE

I've been here....sitting here, working my ASS off here in this stupid ass little town, planing, and waiting and saving and STILL things aren't happening. Nothing ever falls into place....job yes, yay...no school which is ultimately what I want is it not....wait now I want happiness more but that is all part of my happiness because I'm lost without my art and I'm only fully involved when I'm inschool which is sad and pathedic but completely true. I need the environment, to nurture my creative self, I need the people and the competitionto fuel my drive without it I'm nothing. My creative fire is so small and cold.

BAH!!! I hate life.....