I don't know what to say...I feel just out of it with everything. Really I've lost my direction now that I'm probably not going to university. Nothing feels right in life...nothing.
I feel like I'm walking around, and really nothing is mine...like it's not even my life. Because nothing within it has been what I've worked towards or what I've wanted for so long. Every time I have a little bit of direction, weather it's school or a boy or whatever... nothing ever works out. So I feel like everything is basically for nothing. I'm just stumbling through life and I've got nothing to show for it. Since I withdrew from my second year, all I've done is work and make payments on loans. That's it, that's all. There is no getting ahead...I'm just sick of all this shit.
I want some luck...for something to work out. I don't just want to be a waitress...it's a nothing job to me. I mean yeah I have fun with the people I work with but it's not hard and you don't work towards anything. I don't want to be 40 years old and working with 19 year old girls who have all these dreams and look back to think...I was like that what ever happened I had potential!
I'm just so tired....of working towards crap, making art doing this and this and this to make myself look better for school to have something stupid happen every single time. I have been accepted to every school each time I've applied and I'm not saying that's a big deal I'm sure most people out there can say the same thing...but I just never get the chance to take it up. It's like it's dangling infront of my face but I can't grab it. It makes me sick.
And I don't know what else to say...
Pat, I left my bear in your Yukon
Can you keep him for me until I see you next?
I feel like I'm walking around, and really nothing is mine...like it's not even my life. Because nothing within it has been what I've worked towards or what I've wanted for so long. Every time I have a little bit of direction, weather it's school or a boy or whatever... nothing ever works out. So I feel like everything is basically for nothing. I'm just stumbling through life and I've got nothing to show for it. Since I withdrew from my second year, all I've done is work and make payments on loans. That's it, that's all. There is no getting ahead...I'm just sick of all this shit.
I want some luck...for something to work out. I don't just want to be a waitress...it's a nothing job to me. I mean yeah I have fun with the people I work with but it's not hard and you don't work towards anything. I don't want to be 40 years old and working with 19 year old girls who have all these dreams and look back to think...I was like that what ever happened I had potential!
I'm just so tired....of working towards crap, making art doing this and this and this to make myself look better for school to have something stupid happen every single time. I have been accepted to every school each time I've applied and I'm not saying that's a big deal I'm sure most people out there can say the same thing...but I just never get the chance to take it up. It's like it's dangling infront of my face but I can't grab it. It makes me sick.
And I don't know what else to say...
Pat, I left my bear in your Yukon
Can you keep him for me until I see you next?
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
scattershot:
you could say everyword in your journal and apply it to me right now. Except I didn't get accepted everywhere I apply.
admiral_pants:
If you ever figure out what to do about it, let me know