Have you ever woken up ugly? 
I mean...honestly I was monterous in highschool and used to wish I could be invisable. Honestly....I had such low self asteem.
Then, I had my own ugly duckling transformation and came out this....
And it may sound so naive and self absorbed and whatever but honestly I was happier. I had more friends, a better social life and amazing self confidence. Now, please don't get it twisted never in my life would I have ever said that I was "hot" nor did I go around flaunting myself (I left that for SG PSW).
And I learned to love myself. Even though I wasn't thin I was confortable within my own skin. It took alot of time to put that look together but I didn't mind putting it in because I knew once I did I would be able to walk around with my head up and smiling.
But now...things have changed. I've gained most of my weight back and I've just stopped caring. I no longer have the money to put into dyeing my hair and amazing clothing and shit like that and thus, just gave up. I shot a set tonight for PSW which I did post but wasn't happy with at all. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I promised never to let myself get like this again, yet here I am. Fat and self loathing.
And it sucks because I'm so fucking tired of dealing with this shit. It's like so many other things in my life. You can never just overcome them. It takes constant energy and constant work to keep everything inline. I used to have the time for myself but now I don't. I have a boyfriend and a job and a half assed social life which leaves ME nowhere.
I make myself sick to think I got there, was happy and then just let it all go again. Now I'm scared to start working for it again because I knew what it took to get there the first time. Years of diets and working out constantly, in the end the only way that I did acheive it was becoming a waitress so I did non stop cardio. There is no way that kind of shit fits into my life style now.
So honestly....what's a girl to do? All I want to do is go shopping.
Love the ugly side of Faye. 
I mean...honestly I was monterous in highschool and used to wish I could be invisable. Honestly....I had such low self asteem.
Then, I had my own ugly duckling transformation and came out this....
And it may sound so naive and self absorbed and whatever but honestly I was happier. I had more friends, a better social life and amazing self confidence. Now, please don't get it twisted never in my life would I have ever said that I was "hot" nor did I go around flaunting myself (I left that for SG PSW).
And I learned to love myself. Even though I wasn't thin I was confortable within my own skin. It took alot of time to put that look together but I didn't mind putting it in because I knew once I did I would be able to walk around with my head up and smiling.
But now...things have changed. I've gained most of my weight back and I've just stopped caring. I no longer have the money to put into dyeing my hair and amazing clothing and shit like that and thus, just gave up. I shot a set tonight for PSW which I did post but wasn't happy with at all. I'm so disappointed in myself.
I promised never to let myself get like this again, yet here I am. Fat and self loathing.
And it sucks because I'm so fucking tired of dealing with this shit. It's like so many other things in my life. You can never just overcome them. It takes constant energy and constant work to keep everything inline. I used to have the time for myself but now I don't. I have a boyfriend and a job and a half assed social life which leaves ME nowhere.
I make myself sick to think I got there, was happy and then just let it all go again. Now I'm scared to start working for it again because I knew what it took to get there the first time. Years of diets and working out constantly, in the end the only way that I did acheive it was becoming a waitress so I did non stop cardio. There is no way that kind of shit fits into my life style now.
So honestly....what's a girl to do? All I want to do is go shopping.
Love the ugly side of Faye.
VIEW 25 of 41 COMMENTS
spud_bliss:
i feel dead inside.
i can't cry around anyone, only when i'm alone. 
It sucks.
i can't cry around anyone, only when i'm alone. It sucks.
morningbloom:
We would totally invite you if you would even think you might be able to come. Its in South Carolina, though so I know its a long long way. 
Either way, you'll probably see more pictures than you could ever want to. 
Either way, you'll probably see more pictures than you could ever want to.