fatkidlovescake

so i'm going to the cape for my two days off this week. i look at it as trying to use a band-aid to try and fix a severed limb. i'm really getting burnt out at work. i mean REALLY, and this, my little weekend get away is going to be an attempt to fix it. it used ot be i could work like a mother fucker and once every few months i'd need a long weekend to recharge and i'd be good for the next few months. but right now...i'm dying. getting away for a few days has been holding me over for less and less time lately. i'm worried that this cape cod expedition wont grant me the time i need till i can get away again.

i'm worried it wont hold me over for a full week.

and come thursday of next week, when we have the summer nationals going on, and the stress level is thru the roof...

i'm worried i'll be barely clinging on. dont get me wrong, i'm not depressed. and i'm not freaking out. but anyone who's been in the restaurant business can tell you that burning out is easy to do. and i've been burnt out for the past month or two...i've been pulling 80+ hour weeks (i'm salary too...who's a bitch? i'm a bitch) and there is no end to the ork i have to do. right now on my desk i have probably an hour+ of paper work that i need to do. its a few days late even. but i cant sit in my office for long enough to do it. my head might explode.

so if this doesnt work, and the cape just isnt going to be the fix i need, i'm gonna start looking into taking a job with jet blue. i have one if i want one. but i dont know about moving to NY and paying NY prices for things. also i'll be lonely in NY. i dont know anyone there and while i make friends easily, i'll miss the people here painfully.

so maybe i'll need to look into other jobs that dont involve NY.

i'm basically hoping that life, gets better than it is now. cause right now i work so much i have no friends, love life, or basically a life in general. i'm looking for time to see friends, find myself a woman, and enjoy myself. cause right now i am definitely wasting my youth.

and on that note, a side note:
we get mystery shopped at work all the time, and this woman and her husband put down in their report that I was in my mid 40's. that is the oldest i have ever been called. they might have just bumped a line before they came in to eat that day...but more likely i look 40 something because i feel 40 something. like i said before, wasting my youth.

how mature i feel at times feels wrong. and feeling wrong in one's own skin is wrong. i need to feel right.