well, i had the pleasant surprise of having an old friend visit me this weekend. i got a chance to speak some german and catch up with a very smart and sensitive person. Unfortunately, his visit was occasioned by his fiancee breaking up with him after 7 years. understandably, he needed to clear his mind.
having watched their relationship from close and afar, I'm growing more pessimistic of ever really finding something that will last. they were a very very good couple. i've watched some 5+ year relationships split and I still don't understand why then rather than earlier. what can you learn after 5 years that you didn't in the first 4? he and I are a little alike and she is the kind of girl than anybody could fall for.
those depressing thoughts added to seeing my ex's set go up this weekend on SG make for a weird mood.
you never really know people. they change, particularly the intelligent ones. i don't necessarily believe people have psychologically coherent personalities either. we compartmentalize so much after all. a person who is immaculately honest with her parents can lie through her teeth to her teachers. a person who would never cheat in sports will cheat on a test without a thought. Character traits are so situational. You think you know people, but in a new situation, they will surprise you.
You could say that variety is a good thing, but lack of constancy really bothers me. Liars should break promises, and truth tellers should be honorable, but in reality the human mind, if untempered by philosophical refection or dogmatic brainwashing will only selectively apply rules that seem to apply across the board. A friend of mine is a loyal friend across the board, but is tremendously disloyal to the women he's involved with. Now if there's a good reason to apply different rules in different situations that's fine (like say, there's a gun to your head), but you'd like to think we should be able to say that a person is loyal without having to say "except in situation x, y, and z"
To be more fair. I like constancy when there are no good reasons to deviate from it, as opposed to inconstancy unless there's a good reason to have a rule. This is probably why humans don't work for me. I suppose it's part of trying to live a life ruled by reason rather than one ruled by whim or impulse. Somehow that sounds like too much self pity though, even for me.
having watched their relationship from close and afar, I'm growing more pessimistic of ever really finding something that will last. they were a very very good couple. i've watched some 5+ year relationships split and I still don't understand why then rather than earlier. what can you learn after 5 years that you didn't in the first 4? he and I are a little alike and she is the kind of girl than anybody could fall for.
those depressing thoughts added to seeing my ex's set go up this weekend on SG make for a weird mood.
you never really know people. they change, particularly the intelligent ones. i don't necessarily believe people have psychologically coherent personalities either. we compartmentalize so much after all. a person who is immaculately honest with her parents can lie through her teeth to her teachers. a person who would never cheat in sports will cheat on a test without a thought. Character traits are so situational. You think you know people, but in a new situation, they will surprise you.
You could say that variety is a good thing, but lack of constancy really bothers me. Liars should break promises, and truth tellers should be honorable, but in reality the human mind, if untempered by philosophical refection or dogmatic brainwashing will only selectively apply rules that seem to apply across the board. A friend of mine is a loyal friend across the board, but is tremendously disloyal to the women he's involved with. Now if there's a good reason to apply different rules in different situations that's fine (like say, there's a gun to your head), but you'd like to think we should be able to say that a person is loyal without having to say "except in situation x, y, and z"
To be more fair. I like constancy when there are no good reasons to deviate from it, as opposed to inconstancy unless there's a good reason to have a rule. This is probably why humans don't work for me. I suppose it's part of trying to live a life ruled by reason rather than one ruled by whim or impulse. Somehow that sounds like too much self pity though, even for me.
you and me both, john l.