Here is another personal blog, without photos. I have hit my five, maybe six month of going to the gym. I am finally starting to confidently say that the results are noticeable. I am noticing the differences, and I think that I am the hardest on myself. I know what I am going for. It is not to just look better finally, but it is also to actually get ready for the next cycling season. I am tired of working so hard during the fall and getting on a good track to be back in shape, only to lose everything that I had worked for during the winter because I had no outlet. This time, I have a membership to Planet Fitness, and I am planning on going at least three, if not four, times a week, and continuing that up. That is what I have been doing for these past few months. And I feel good doing it too. Okay, I guess I will post one photo here, of myself from the 3rd, that I took while drinking some wine when it was raining outside.
But yep that is me. What I looked like only a few days ago. The thing is, I know that this is also causing some people to get jealous. It has lead to some rocky times over the past 10 days, between Sam and I, things that I am not going to say on here, but it has not been 100% the best. I honestly don't know what to do about it. I am not going to stop going, getting in shape and all, and I am sorry if that is making her feel uncomfortable or insecure, but I am doing this for me. I know that she has not been to the gym in months, and when she did go she wasn't really doing that much but expecting results like I am getting. And I am sorry that she didn't, but I am working my ass off, sweating like no other and coming home sometimes with pain in places that I didn't know I could have pain in before. I am also doing very well at my job, and I have had recent success with my photography work, and she made the comment earlier today that she IS upset because she is 25 but feels like she is in her 40s, because she never does anything, and tried to blame it on me! I am not sure how that works out and asked her about that, especially since she works from 9pm to 5am and is always going to work when people have time off or is asleep during the day when the rest of the world is up doing things. I hope that she can find happiness still in life. I know that she needs a change in her work, she has been bitching about it for far too long, but it also seems like she might not want to change, because she doesn't seem to actually want to do anything about it. She also bitches at me a lot for things and about things. Things that I have no control over or have nothing to do with. It feels like a lot of built up anger and jealousy that might be half geared towards me, but might be at work, her own life, and the things that she has done (which I have not discussed here) and is upset with her about, which also has her questioning everything that she currently is thinking about in her own life.
Maybe I am reading too much into shit. I might be, because I read into things a lot. HOWEVER, one thing that I know that I am going to continue to do is to go to the gym, get myself back in shape, and hit the trails this spring and have fun with my life finally. Lord knows that I deserve it
