I have had too much shit in my life recently. More and more of it is becoming negative, especially as it comes to my girlfriend Sam, the one who I am doing the photos of for my portfolio for y MFA. I am not sure if she is just tried of me always having my camera around or that I am trying to do good in my classes or whatever. Yesterday she went through a HUGE panic attack, actually broke things this time as she threw them BEFORE I got home from the library where I was doing homework for about two hours.
Then when I came home, and was cleaning up the mess that the left in the living room (which at one point in the evening she tried to claim that I was working on my project while she was having the panic attack [described right after this] and tried to say that I cared more about that [the project] than her), she had another panic attack and destroyed my half of the bedroom, to which I tried to sleep out in the living room, but to make a long story short, I felt really guilty and decided to sleep in the bedroom where she proceeded to cry herself to sleep.
Then this morning...She had to be at work about 15 minutes ago and woke up early to get a shower and what not before she went in. I woke up at my usual time of about 8-8:15 and proceeded to get my morning cup of coffee and my stuff together so I can run up to the library (where I am right now) and get a little bit more homework and research done before I did more work myself. I am sitting on the couch, because she was going to drop me off at the library on her way to work. I was already packed up and ready to go, reading a little news story on my phone (like I do every morning) and she then goes about claiming that I am still mad at her from last night because I have not looked at her all day long. I didn't know how to tell her that the reason why I had not looked at her was because she has most of the time been in the bathroom with the door closed, but mostly because up till that point in time, we had not been in the same room together while being awake.
I think that there is some bad paranoia starting to happen and these panic attacks are starting to get out of hand. In the two years that we have been dating (basically two years, Oct. 15 is our two year), it has never been this bad. Actually, I cannot remember her ever having any attacks prior to us living together. Now I know that she has, hell her and her parents both have told me that she has over her life time...but I really just don't know what to do.
I have honestly given up cleaning up my side of the bedroom because I know in another week or so she will have another panic attack and my side of the bedroom will be worse than what it is now...even if I clean it. And it is not like I don't do anything around the house either, I am the one who does 90% of the cleaning and crap around there; from taking out the trash to laundry, vacuuming to dishes, feeding her guinea pigs to cleaning the bathroom. When she is at home, she is normally in one of two places; in bed or on the couch. And if she is not at home...than she is at work. That is it.
I don't know what to do. I am seriously lost here. I want to stick it out, but after seven months of this, I am growing very tired.
