fastboyent

well...it has been a very hard week. My grandmother called me a couple of days ago and was in tears. She suffers from major depression and she was talking about suicide. I cried for hours after that and then cried yesterday and then once again today. I can't believe that my grandmother, the one person in my life that I have always look towards for love and warmth told me that she wished that she was dead. I don't know what to do. I want to go down and see her, but I don't really have the time because of work. I just wish there was something that I could do.

Besides that, I have come to the conclusion that I will be alone this christmas season. It is the first time in basically nine years that I will be alone. I so wished that I could spend this christmas with someone special, someone that I could share my love with, but I was wrong and I will be alone. I guess that is the way it will have to be and I will just have to get over it or used to it, which ever is less painful. This is going to be a sad christmas for I have cried myself to sleep for the past three nights and I fear that it will be same for tonight and tomorrow night as well and who knows how long if ever. I just wish I finally had someone to love and to make me fell loved. Is that too much to ask for? That is my one christmas wish, to love and be loved in return. Will my christmas wish come true? I doubt it...so I am not holding my breath.