falsehopeproject

i think about this alot. and i wonder if its a good thing.. or normal or whatever. but i think of what vince looks like now.. decaying under the ground. i dont think he's decayed much.. thanks to the preserving properties of alcohol . but anyways... i think about it at least once a day... and alex.. i think about what his body looks like..partially decomposed. its kinda sad. you never expect them to be... dead i guess... theres no reason to think about what they look like when theyre dead when theyre not.

im not making sense.

it's been sooo hot out the past couple of days.. and for some reason it makes me want to ride my bike more.. i guess te sweat proves to myslef that i am doing something good for my body... and the pain let me know that im alive.. but the pain is also the results of the battle of good stuff coming into my body and kicking the bad stuff out. my lungs are getting worked... so ill be able to hike at 8,000 feet through knee deep snow.

all this bike riding has changed my metabolism.. i used to wake up DEAD tired and exhausted EVERY DAY. even with 9 hours of sleep. it seemed like i could never get enough.. but now that my body is being forced to work harder.. i can sleep 5 hours and wake up feeling energized and alive.

now if i only had motivation to do other things.