Sunday Dec 08, 2002

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last night i had a dream that i had to unravel the evil scheme of a prophesized being before it happened, saving the world. i think i failed. i was fighting a little girl.

why does the fate of the world always rest in my hands?

liz gave me an old vietnam anti-war poster this morning and that made my day.
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residue:
if the fate of the world would rest in your hands,
we would come off good i guess
... but it isnt ... some b)guy rules
and has plans for war, no matter what the UN says
fishnetflyboy:
Sometimes when I have a mission in my dreams (never so important) and I mess up the first time, a month or two later I get a second chance. Does the fate of the world rest in your hands because you're one of few who cares?

Saturday Dec 07, 2002

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Some girl on SG made a post about how a guy rode her hard and made her come with a massage pillow. Then I was sitting with him in a van. He was a thin Mexican man. We were watching the scenery as we passed.

We went by the UN and they were training student ambassadors. The ambassadors were lined along the road with signs...
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Monday Dec 02, 2002

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well, things are still pretty horrible...

but i must acknowledge the helpful release from the burden of dishonesty. not that i was actually dishonest before, but i felt as though i was, because i was holding back from saying some significant things.

i had meaningful conversations with two exes, one of which was productive in that i'm seeing the girl again, the other of which...
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kentavos:
Beautiful new picture too by the way. ;-)
stewd:
I don't like Mozilla... not at all... too slow, i hate having to wait for the profile selector to load, not being able to use the default profile because "it is already in use", having my profiles disappear on me, having to make a new profile everytime I open a new session, and the interface stinks... I think I actually like Netscape... just wont use it's mail client (it boots me off AIM when I do.) Oh, yeah, when I run certain applications, Mozilla still tries to be the default browser, and it's not... bossy browser!

But thanks for the suggestion! Tee hee!

Cute profile pic, BTW!

Sunday Dec 01, 2002

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i don't know what the hell i thought i was doing.

i feel like someone is trying to pull my heart out through my throat.

it hurts... i feel so sick...

and when it's 4 a.m. and you're heartbroken, i suppose the best thing is sleep
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fallen1carus:
perhaps i'm so broken up about things precisely because there isn't anything i can do. all-consuming grief is just that, all-consuming. you can't just choose to turn it off. it's not like i enjoy being in pain.

and mourning is a process that is healthy for the mind. i'm not just going to try and shut myself off, or trivialize the loss of someone extremely important to me.

i do appreciate the good things i have in life. but i am going through a hard time right now, and i am entitled to do so. i wish it wasn't happening, but that is NOT a choice. i have to grieve for a while before things get better... maybe you don't work that way, but other people do, and we can't all apply your push-it-aside mode of thinking and be instantly better, okay?
nevilthedogboy:
ok.. i can see that.. and again my apologies.. i really didn't mean to be as much of an asshole as i was..
can i be forgiven?

woof?

Saturday Nov 30, 2002

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so... i dyed my hair last night. i was fed up of the relatives saying "oh, you look almost normal now" "you look like barbie" and "the blond hair looks so much nicer."

well, it's back to "normal" now. purple, the color i should have been born with.
kingcrac:
The purple looks great. Much better than the blond.
kentavos:
My my.....verrrrrry nice and sexy! ;-) I luv the new colour!

Saturday Nov 23, 2002

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I went dumpster diving last night and had a great time. You may tell me it's gross, but you don't have 20 packages of unopened, gourmet ravioli and a freezer full of smoothies.

I am amazed at how much good food goes to waste... it could be donated to a local homeless shelter. They throw it out because the packaging is bent, or the expiration...
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ponyboy_curtis:
i dumpster for all kinds of things art supplies, clothes, food you name it they throw it away in good working condition. I love saving working items from going to the landfill.

Tuesday Nov 19, 2002

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i had my court date today for "failure to yield right of way by pedestrian"... the judge took a look at my bruise photos, taken after i was hit by the car... the proof that i was already punished enough for crossing the freakin' street when i shouldn't have. she dismissed the fine completely, so things are going well...
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thedarkocean:
I don't want to seem like I know you, but your journal entries seem kind of sad. Is Wisconsin that bad?
residue:
so? god does exist?

xx

Sunday Nov 17, 2002

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did anybody ever see that episode of twin peaks where cooper dreams about the midget who speaks backwards and then dances, all hunched over and smooth-like?

oh fuck, that made me laugh so hard...

------------------------------------------------------

on a side note, i'd like to make a toast to carlo rossi. thanks, man.
pureblu12225:
Oh my I have seen that one ...and it creeped the crap outta me

Friday Nov 15, 2002

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christ almighty. it's been a week of hell. but it's finally over. and i think i'm going to go out tonight and smoke some fucking weed, and get shitfaced. i deserve to be mindless for a while.

for at least two days i'll try to forget that my life seems inherently empty, and go numb with the pleasures of substances.

yay. for the temporary end...
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kentavos:
Yay! Have fun!!
csilla:
hope you have lots of fun!! wish i could be there! i could use some numbness right now...

xoxo csilla

Sunday Nov 10, 2002

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If you ever stick me in a nursing home, you bet I'm going to fucking smoke. I'm going to chain smoke until my lungs bleed. In a raspy, tar-tainted voice I will call the others at the home old cronies.

And if I start rambling about the good old days, and how I'm going to be up in heaven with God soon, then you'll know...
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ludavico2002:
live in an abyss, huh? yeah, i hear that.
kentavos:
Hmmm...My grandmother is in a nursing home now. 70-something I think. So far she seems okay. She refers to it as just an apartment though. Getting old doesn't sound like fun to me.

Saturday Nov 02, 2002

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http://fallenicarus.tripod.com/100things.html

100 things about me.
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fallen1carus:
ha... um, the red eyes are unavoidable and a total pain in the ass. i have these big pupils that ALWAYS turn red in pictures (even when the redeye feature is turned on in the camera). i usually have to blacken them in later. sometimes people look at my eyes and then say: dude, are you tripping? when i got hit by the car recently the guy in the ambulance shined way too many lights in my eyes to make sure there wasn't something wrong with them. he told me, "they shouldn't look like that in this light."

lots of thought did go into that list. maybe i know myself, maybe i don't. i know enough to say that i'm confused about it. so that's knowing something and not at the same time... hm.
bionicfemme:
OK, that picture you have on your homepage on the "100 things about me" thing is HILARIOUS!!!!

P.S. Why are we separated by 1,000,000,000,000 miles o' land, much sex should be had by all!
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