faeriewench

THE STORY OF EASTER.

(by patience ann)

Once upon a time, there was a dude called Hayzeus Christo.
He died, and went to live in a cave.
Then one Sunday, usually in April or March, he was suddenly of the undead. A zombie, if you like.
He popped his zombie head outta the cave and said "Hey ladies!" to some fine chicks waiting outside.
At least he'd thought they were chicks, by the incessant clucking he'd been hearing.
But lo! No chicks to be found, only three lovely Cadbury bunnies, clucking merrily away at their zombie pal.
Hayzeus was a bit freaked out by the clucking bunnies and said "noli me tangere."
He had some personal space issues, especially now as a zombie.
All of a sudden, a great bunny wreathed in light appeared in the sky and said:
"Yea, but I do come to hide eggs for thee."
A merry egg hunt was formed and they ate candy and sang bawdy songs til Hayzeus went up to hang out with the giant bunny in the sky, to rest off the candy and branes.
Oestra, looking in from her heavenly house of ill repute, said:
"Yea, but in a little under 2000 years, Miss Patience Ann shall get no eggs, nor any bunny, because the boy in her bed is Jewish."
Hayzeus looked over across the heavens at her and said:
"Bitch, that's whack. I'm Jewish, I got some eggs."
But Patience Ann stilll didn't get any.
Nor candy.
Nor branes.


The end.