eveski

fuck my life.

my ex boyfriend, the one i just broke up with not that long ago that i said i was over already has a new girl and im so fucking heart broken. i really love him and i miss him every day. i was starting to turn shit around to try to get shit together with him again, he's the only guy i've ever been serious about. it was bad in the end but only because i was so upset about having to move back to MA that i was just trying to get out easily with out it hurting. well i had to find out he hs a new gf through facebook and now i can't stop crying. i just can't believe he has a new gf so soon. i haven't even had time to really think about other guys. i had recently blogged about that guy in my life but we were only talking a little bit and he ended up only wanting me for a booty call. he wanted to be with me forever and i believed him. i just can't even believe i've let myself get hurt like this again. i truly thought he was different and that he would turn shit around for me like he said he would. i'm such an idiot. i haven't hurt like this in years. i can't wrap my head around this right now. i don't even have anyone who i can talk to about this. and that hurts even more. and my grama has been talking about wanting to die since friday and dear god i just can't handle this shit right now. plus i took myself off my anti depressants so i've been slipping back into it again. i promised myself that if i took myself off the meds i would be strong enough to keep it together but i never saw anything like this happening. god all i've managed to do recently is fuck things up. i shouldn't have tried to keep things a surprise from dave i just never thought i'd lose him. it's so true that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

if i didn't have Wally i honestly don't think i would be able to make it through this.