problem is only ,. the less drugs i take the more i think.
the more i think , the more i die. thoughts are the enemy. what am i taking? ssri's. yum. trying trying to come off. jesus. harder than i thought it would be. patienc.e they were ok. probably saved my life in fact. fine. i cut them like coke with a razor blade on a mirror. little less each week. today i actually had a visitor. first one in 6 months! (the external examiner of my dept). i served him cranberry juice in wine glasses. too early for vodka. anyway , had to hide my white powders. had to laugh. staff meetings all day. then i rode my bicycle into the night. hard. whats it called- lactic acid - slamming through my veins. rented some movies, bought a cherry coke, some salad, some goat cheese.. rode back to the empty golf course parking lot. i like empty places. i am always so happy when the houses give way to open fields. darkness. quiet. but for the wind.
so im lying there on the pavement, like i was in bed. my crash helmet serving as a pillow. sitting up to glug some cherry coke... how can i say this? it was a nice moment. i was wet. through and through. but warm. listening to my breath get slower and slower. but its, like this whole life, is ... unreal. .. i mean it would be terrible - were it not for my secret plans!!! mmmm. its so great to believe in something. so many things scare me. remind me to tell you about my plans-.. should make a good read. mmm,. has to do with sg. or at least s.
the more i think , the more i die. thoughts are the enemy. what am i taking? ssri's. yum. trying trying to come off. jesus. harder than i thought it would be. patienc.e they were ok. probably saved my life in fact. fine. i cut them like coke with a razor blade on a mirror. little less each week. today i actually had a visitor. first one in 6 months! (the external examiner of my dept). i served him cranberry juice in wine glasses. too early for vodka. anyway , had to hide my white powders. had to laugh. staff meetings all day. then i rode my bicycle into the night. hard. whats it called- lactic acid - slamming through my veins. rented some movies, bought a cherry coke, some salad, some goat cheese.. rode back to the empty golf course parking lot. i like empty places. i am always so happy when the houses give way to open fields. darkness. quiet. but for the wind.
so im lying there on the pavement, like i was in bed. my crash helmet serving as a pillow. sitting up to glug some cherry coke... how can i say this? it was a nice moment. i was wet. through and through. but warm. listening to my breath get slower and slower. but its, like this whole life, is ... unreal. .. i mean it would be terrible - were it not for my secret plans!!! mmmm. its so great to believe in something. so many things scare me. remind me to tell you about my plans-.. should make a good read. mmm,. has to do with sg. or at least s.
