^rihgt. right. these last 2 months have been... im trying to remember a harder time. oof. i mean, i do have some things. a great bed. a great body. half a soul... but to live! instead i drift. i do work. i sleep. eat fluoxetine. right. but soon, im coming off. then im going to end of the end of the world - most northern point of land, its called northcap in norway, anyway, then i want to stand on the edge. something ive been fantasizing a bout for over a year. right.
mostly i sleep these days. hm. i will live again. i think. in the mean time i will only let myself be photographed with my eyes closed.
mostly i sleep these days. hm. i will live again. i think. in the mean time i will only let myself be photographed with my eyes closed.
kayna:
I would find it so extraordinarily fulfilling to be able to cultivate my artistic, well, life, with someplace like Palindrome.. interesting to me that your soul is still drifting.. I had always assumed my soul would only drift untill I was able to become a part of something magical like Palindrome, always thought I'd finally be grounded... you're making me fear for myself, that I may never find someplace for me.. 
eventide:
hey it was nice to read your note. i think im turning a corner. spent the weekend in london again. just meeting random strangers, seeing art, looking for imspiration. the thing about palindrome is.. its not steady work. we do productions, yes, but then there are many months of - well like you said drift. and now ive got this uni job. i only need to be here 50% of the time, so in a ways its perfect. its steady income. enough, even at 50%! so i can make things. with beautiful artistic people. yes. today i see the beauty in things again - but its been a long time. i had this obsession thing- maybe i told you. ^with a friend. i still think shes god, and think of her an awful lot, ... but i feel today that i can almost live with this. breathe again. im starting to come off of pretty high doses of antidepressants. easy does it....
