evangelin

The wedding was last night. The rain held off-I'm glad....
K was the brides maid, I told her she looked beautiful and she said " Girl I'm sorry, we have to talk and I will call." So I gave her a hug, kissed her on the cheek and told her I love her. That was something that I never expected...it's not really like her to apologize for anything and I know it was difficult, it wasn't necessary...I have hope though for her. Maybe I am meant to be in her life and if so I will be. I just want to see her happy, she needs to know she deserves that.

Oddly someone i worked with and haven't seen in about a decade, nor spoke to found me on facebook a few months ago (not strange as that's what happens on Face) strange in that she sent me a PM there, a long one quite personal and asked if we could talk. She mentioned healing and a new life. That was yesterday....so we'll talk when she's ready.

I met a beautiful lady about a year and a half back. We were at a party and ironically I had just shot my set for SG. We have only ever met face to face that one time, we've text, myspace and facebook. It's funny to me when I get an instant connection to someone. It's that weirdness where you love someone from this place you can't identify...like you have always known them and your connected for some strange reason. She Married rather quickly to a guy that seemed like that guy and I was happy to hear that for her. I just got a text that he beat her and it was over and how to contact her. ......

I feel like maybe right now I am supposed to be guiding people or something, like the journey I have taken over the past year needs to be shared with people that are in search and not sure of what. I've never believed in coincidence and I do fully believe that people come into our lives for a reason and a time. I guard my affections tightly, love many but share with few and trust fewer then that. It's my nature-i'm easily drained of energy, maybe from having it misplaced. Not sure. I do hope with all my heart that however I am meant to be helpful in peoples lives, that I live up to it.

I also realized I do love Casey very much, actually I knew that-it's why I let him go....I suppose In the months of not having contact with him and going about my path, my mind became quiet for a moment and peaceful and all these crazy emotions that I am not used to harboring took over. For the first time I understood without doubt, he is his own man, not to be compared to any experience I have ever had or linked with any fears that I hold onto. Without question for the first time in my life I know I am truely in love and regardless of whether he feels the same or not-I do not feel complete without him in my life. I miss my friend, but for now I still have things to do and I really feel that when he is ready-somehow in some way he will come to me and the rest will have to manifest as it should. For the first time ever i know exactly what I want and i am willing to let it be and not control it, because I love him that much to let him find his internal voice, journey on his path and find his true happiness. He has to listen to what his soul sings, just I have finally listened to mine~