Ive told and retold this story to myself and to others more times than Im ashamed to admit, but I reckon that now that I feel like Im between stories, as itd be, nows the best time of all to put down some kind of comprehensive look back to the best of my recollection. The only draw back that I can think of is that since it all started, I feel as though some of those brain cells where those memories lived have been annihilated by a combination of head banging, fighting, drinking and smoking. Things will be over looked and omitted. I have to tell myself Ill do the best I can do when it comes to keeping track of the past six or so years. Ill even start at the beginning for the sake of everyone involved.
Remember being told in Sunday school God doesnt close a door with out opening a window? I reckon the window was always opened, but why would anyone go though a window when the door is open? God had to close the door so wed face a challenge and change. I just wish we went through the window ourselves sometimes so we didnt have to have the door get slammed in our faces.
Everything before the first of March in 2000 was kind of a bunch of crap. I was a complacent and boring high school student. Then a guy I knew since I was very little died in a car accident. I suppose there I looked at everything and decided I was pretty unhappy with things. I had a few pretty good friends, but I remember feeling like I had more enemies to worry about, which I imagine is a pretty common problem among most teen somethings. But at that age I was eighteen and there were even a few guys who were getting ready to get married. Now, at twenty-four, I have no idea how or why they bothered getting married that young. Even if it worked out, and in most cases, it didnt, they were just throwing away their independent years.
I was about a month or two away from graduating from high school although, for the most part, I was going to community college, which, looking back was an elaborate ruse to skip high school classes by telling teachers I had to go study, meet with professors in office hours, catch a guest lecture or view an art gallery. Some guys coasted through the end of high school, I didnt even bother putting my boat in the water. I never took the SATs, ACTs or any of that. I was dating an unattractive girl, one of the few unattractive girls I would ever date. Im kind of thrilled with myself to say that as I grew, I dated gradually more attractive, more interesting and better smelling girls, but thats all something Ill get around to elaborating on later on.
So I looked at the facts and I hated everything that was happening. I knew I couldnt drop out of high school to get out of it. It made more sense to just graduate and take it from there. So I did. I dumped the ugly girl and went to prom with a friend of the familyalmost a big sister to my brother and I, and the daughter my mom and dad never had. We had a pretty good time. I also quit my job at McDonalds. I figured that if I died tomorrow, I didnt want to do it with every pair of Dickies I had soaked with vegetable oil or animal fat. I floated around for a while, relaxed and collected my non-thoughts after high school. I eventually wound up applying and getting the job at a movie theater which turned out to be one of the best worst mistakes Id ever make. I liked working late with the movies and being left alone all day. It let me try drawing again, which was something I did a lot more of before high school and I kind of got in to it again. Looking back, my drawings were pretty sloppy but I was having fun and I didnt care.
In my free time, I would wander over to a comic book store that I used to go to when I was about twelve or so and hang out with a guy I knew about the same time. I had nothing better to do. I had no girlfriend, no hobbies and I was listening to the same boring music I had been listening to for ages.
Less than six months after I initiated all that change, I met Corey, a girl whod be at the core of most of the events thatd take place for the next few months. In the same month Corey and I became pals, I got the job that my friend used to have at the comic book store which would turn out to be the longest job I ever wind up having until recently.
The comic book store would be the location of much uninteresting drama and, for the most part, happy times. The boss wouldnt be there much of ever. The only proof we ever had that he was there was that pay checks would arrive on the seventh and the twenty-second of every month. When I worked there, there was a constant cast of three workers: an irritatingly-zealous Jehovahs Witness and over-eager anime fan named Trevor, a med student slumming it in Jackson and working in a rinky dink retail gig like a comic book store named Jason, who Id known since seventh grade and me, a wide eyed country mouse perpetually in a black t-shirt, aggressively learning about comics and girls named Earl.
This meant that when I was working, people always had a place to go and hang out. Corey and I hung out for a straight month in October even though she and I had a significant other at the time. I was dating a girl named Daphnea sharp, creative and dark girl whos only draw back was her powerful insecurity. She was dating a metal head named Brandon who was still in high school at the time. Im not sure if he had the Disturbed tattoo yet, but it was something he anticipated getting. Corey and I would watch Kevin Smith movies and go to the mall a lot. We were both eighteen and we couldnt drink so we had nice safe fun. Even if we could drink we wouldnt. At the time, Corey was fiercely straight edge and I was barely even a social smoker. At the moment, I believe Corey had tried pot, drinks from time to time and doesnt pitch a fit when I have a cigarette around her.
There was a series of cult flicks being shown at the theater I used to work at. I had quit, by the way, after a promised raise hadnt happened. The series included Evil Dead 2, Reservoir Dogs, American History X, Trainspotting and 12 monkeys. We didnt see Evil Dead 2, but we did see every movie after that. By the end of the series, Daphne and I would have downgraded to just friends, which was all we ever really were, plus all the kissing. Corey and Brandon broke up and I dont remember why. We were both kind of bummed but hanging in there. We tried kissing each other just to get a feel for what kind of kisser the other was. I dont remember what kind of kisser Corey was or how good a kisser she was, but I do remember her putting me in her top five.
But its not like I remember to much anyway: I dont remember what classes I was taking at the time, how I did or even what I learned. There are a few little things I remember, but its like having seven pieces of a fifteen hundred piece puzzle. Marijuana is Alzheimers for young people. You just choose to get it and fortunately, you tend to forget the most boring details and remember only the interesting things.
In the following month, George W Bush would be handed an election, Corey would find a new boyfriend in a chubby, dorky wanna be punk with green hair with a bad band with decent guys in it. We split ways for a bunch of reasons and had a few spats, but it was all for the best looking back. She got wrapped up with those guys and reveled in how totally cool being straight edge was (it wasnt) and I made friends with a guy from the KFC Coreys dad owneda freakishly skinny guy with a Chelsea cut, creepy eyes and the biggest collection of Marilyn Manson albums Id ever seen. His name was Matt. Over the next few months, while Matt was house sitting for his Grandparents, I would crash out over there many nights. It was then that I really picked up smoking and lost a lot of weight as Id eat as much as Matt. Typically, hed consume a little more than a bag of Doritos, a twelve pack of Mountain Dew and about three packs of Camel light wides. Wed be up late playing video games most nights. A few nights, wed be lucky enough to go out to snag some coffee at Dennys. We met a steady flow of girls, kissed them, touched them and didnt call them again. We had a pretty happy life for a few months leading a bachelors existence: up to our knees in rubbish, on unvaccumed floors and over-turned ashtrays, magic cards and comic books. We went to rock shows and I did my best to document everything by doing a drawing of stuff Matt told me was good enough to do drawings of. He had something of a natural and difficult to explain leadership streak in him. Hed be the last to agree with that.
Between going to class and work, one night in January of 2001, at one of Coreys boyfriends shows, we met Clair. I remember writing her number on my arm with lipstick. It ultimately became Matts. As the winter wound down, Matt and I kept up a steady flow of stunts, like camping out in front of Wherehouse Records to get Ozzfest tickets. There was something strangely satisfying in being almost idiotic with him, as if I was Tom to Huck, Oliver to Jack Dawkins, The Narrator to Tyler Durden.
It was that spring that I met Matts friends: Arnie and Skott. Skott will be more or less overlooked as hes not worth pushing the keys to make letters in to words for. But to do the time he and I were friends justice, heres the scoop: Skott, to make a long story short, was a two-faced lazy phony pushing thirty who had ulterior motives, shady agendas, repulsive goals, boring stories and unfunny jokes to tell. He thinks Im sad some how, as if I never achieved anything in my life. I guess if getting two college degrees and hold two jobs is nothing and pathetic, so be it. But heres my idea of nothing and pathetic: being a loud-mouth, know nothing screw up. And thats all anyone will ever have to know about him.
Arnie was an R2-D2 to a C-3PO, a trust-worthy friend whos weary to trust anyone else. Kind of a contradiction, but even though were no longer friends, I feel as though I can and would tell him anything and hed keep it a secret. Sadly, I think he feels as though Im unworthy of his trust. We havent been friends for a year and I still have no idea what the hell happened between us. Id like nothing more than anything to be his friend again, but most frustrating about Arnie is his tenacious unbending stubbornness and his absolute refusal to compromise. Which can, at times, be beneficial, but by and large, I have to imagine, has to be a powerful drawback for Arnie.
Also notable about Arnie, hes one of the few guys Ive ever kissed. It wasnt bad. It was like kissing the girl from high schoolmustache stubble and all.
It was also that spring that I worked the first, and to date, the only, comic book convention Ive ever worked at. It was nice. I met San, which, to be honest, is the only significant event that took place there. But when I think about it, San and I have been talking this long and theres something kind of rewarding about that.
I dont remember too much about the summer of 2001.
I think it was in the fall of 2001 that I dated Amanda for a bit. Back then, it was real. Looking back, it was good enough for then. She and I were not unlike Daphne and I and the girls at Matts, friends you got to kiss. Shortly after nine eleven, I crashed my car and went two years until I had another one. I hooked up in to an indy comic book publish group in Jackson and tried to get some books published. Looking back, they were bad and its no wonder they didnt go anywhere. In December 2001, the comic book store closed and relocated. Jason and Trevor left the company and I lost track of them. I still see them once in a while. Trevor still hates me for stealing his girl and getting him fired, I think. But almost five years later, I dont care how he feels.
In spring 2002, Amanda and I broke up. It was one of those things not unlike losing a pet. The sooner youre detached from it, the betterthe less youll be attached to it when the time comes to lose it.
That last bit made me feel bad. Amandas no ones pet to be owned or to be taken from. The steady flow of dudes she went on to dominate was a downward spiral. Not to build myself up or anything, but after me, she dated fuckin down in the world.
I remember sleep walking through the summer and fall of 2002 and graduating that December. I scrambled to get in to a school last minute. With my associates under my belt, pretty much any school I applied to wanted me. I elected to go to Eastern Michigan University, which was another of my best of my bad calls. Eastern served its purposes in getting my degree in two years. It was just kind of a junky place with enough shady dealings with the executives to make the scum at Enron and in the current White house blush.
But it was at Eastern where Robin and I met on the internet. If I wasnt so lonely, I doubt Idve spent so much time on the computer. She came here and lived on campus and eventually lived with a scum bucket bitch who also isnt worth elaborating on. It was because of her she left Eastern and went back to Jersey.
I guess that about brings me up to speed. At the moment, Im still living in downtown Ypsi, selling books to students at a text book store and anime to fans in Ann Arbor. I have two jobs and I work a little more than forty hours a week. The Tigers and the Pistons are doing good. God is in his heaven and all is right in the world. Im in love with Robin and Ive finally found someone I love more than anyone ever. Were going to get married once she graduates and I can see a happy ending in the works. Im sure theres more I could say, more people I could mention and more drama to go in to, more important events I ought to go on about. Doors have been closed and windows have been opened and at the moment, Im satisfied.
Remember being told in Sunday school God doesnt close a door with out opening a window? I reckon the window was always opened, but why would anyone go though a window when the door is open? God had to close the door so wed face a challenge and change. I just wish we went through the window ourselves sometimes so we didnt have to have the door get slammed in our faces.
Everything before the first of March in 2000 was kind of a bunch of crap. I was a complacent and boring high school student. Then a guy I knew since I was very little died in a car accident. I suppose there I looked at everything and decided I was pretty unhappy with things. I had a few pretty good friends, but I remember feeling like I had more enemies to worry about, which I imagine is a pretty common problem among most teen somethings. But at that age I was eighteen and there were even a few guys who were getting ready to get married. Now, at twenty-four, I have no idea how or why they bothered getting married that young. Even if it worked out, and in most cases, it didnt, they were just throwing away their independent years.
I was about a month or two away from graduating from high school although, for the most part, I was going to community college, which, looking back was an elaborate ruse to skip high school classes by telling teachers I had to go study, meet with professors in office hours, catch a guest lecture or view an art gallery. Some guys coasted through the end of high school, I didnt even bother putting my boat in the water. I never took the SATs, ACTs or any of that. I was dating an unattractive girl, one of the few unattractive girls I would ever date. Im kind of thrilled with myself to say that as I grew, I dated gradually more attractive, more interesting and better smelling girls, but thats all something Ill get around to elaborating on later on.
So I looked at the facts and I hated everything that was happening. I knew I couldnt drop out of high school to get out of it. It made more sense to just graduate and take it from there. So I did. I dumped the ugly girl and went to prom with a friend of the familyalmost a big sister to my brother and I, and the daughter my mom and dad never had. We had a pretty good time. I also quit my job at McDonalds. I figured that if I died tomorrow, I didnt want to do it with every pair of Dickies I had soaked with vegetable oil or animal fat. I floated around for a while, relaxed and collected my non-thoughts after high school. I eventually wound up applying and getting the job at a movie theater which turned out to be one of the best worst mistakes Id ever make. I liked working late with the movies and being left alone all day. It let me try drawing again, which was something I did a lot more of before high school and I kind of got in to it again. Looking back, my drawings were pretty sloppy but I was having fun and I didnt care.
In my free time, I would wander over to a comic book store that I used to go to when I was about twelve or so and hang out with a guy I knew about the same time. I had nothing better to do. I had no girlfriend, no hobbies and I was listening to the same boring music I had been listening to for ages.
Less than six months after I initiated all that change, I met Corey, a girl whod be at the core of most of the events thatd take place for the next few months. In the same month Corey and I became pals, I got the job that my friend used to have at the comic book store which would turn out to be the longest job I ever wind up having until recently.
The comic book store would be the location of much uninteresting drama and, for the most part, happy times. The boss wouldnt be there much of ever. The only proof we ever had that he was there was that pay checks would arrive on the seventh and the twenty-second of every month. When I worked there, there was a constant cast of three workers: an irritatingly-zealous Jehovahs Witness and over-eager anime fan named Trevor, a med student slumming it in Jackson and working in a rinky dink retail gig like a comic book store named Jason, who Id known since seventh grade and me, a wide eyed country mouse perpetually in a black t-shirt, aggressively learning about comics and girls named Earl.
This meant that when I was working, people always had a place to go and hang out. Corey and I hung out for a straight month in October even though she and I had a significant other at the time. I was dating a girl named Daphnea sharp, creative and dark girl whos only draw back was her powerful insecurity. She was dating a metal head named Brandon who was still in high school at the time. Im not sure if he had the Disturbed tattoo yet, but it was something he anticipated getting. Corey and I would watch Kevin Smith movies and go to the mall a lot. We were both eighteen and we couldnt drink so we had nice safe fun. Even if we could drink we wouldnt. At the time, Corey was fiercely straight edge and I was barely even a social smoker. At the moment, I believe Corey had tried pot, drinks from time to time and doesnt pitch a fit when I have a cigarette around her.
There was a series of cult flicks being shown at the theater I used to work at. I had quit, by the way, after a promised raise hadnt happened. The series included Evil Dead 2, Reservoir Dogs, American History X, Trainspotting and 12 monkeys. We didnt see Evil Dead 2, but we did see every movie after that. By the end of the series, Daphne and I would have downgraded to just friends, which was all we ever really were, plus all the kissing. Corey and Brandon broke up and I dont remember why. We were both kind of bummed but hanging in there. We tried kissing each other just to get a feel for what kind of kisser the other was. I dont remember what kind of kisser Corey was or how good a kisser she was, but I do remember her putting me in her top five.
But its not like I remember to much anyway: I dont remember what classes I was taking at the time, how I did or even what I learned. There are a few little things I remember, but its like having seven pieces of a fifteen hundred piece puzzle. Marijuana is Alzheimers for young people. You just choose to get it and fortunately, you tend to forget the most boring details and remember only the interesting things.
In the following month, George W Bush would be handed an election, Corey would find a new boyfriend in a chubby, dorky wanna be punk with green hair with a bad band with decent guys in it. We split ways for a bunch of reasons and had a few spats, but it was all for the best looking back. She got wrapped up with those guys and reveled in how totally cool being straight edge was (it wasnt) and I made friends with a guy from the KFC Coreys dad owneda freakishly skinny guy with a Chelsea cut, creepy eyes and the biggest collection of Marilyn Manson albums Id ever seen. His name was Matt. Over the next few months, while Matt was house sitting for his Grandparents, I would crash out over there many nights. It was then that I really picked up smoking and lost a lot of weight as Id eat as much as Matt. Typically, hed consume a little more than a bag of Doritos, a twelve pack of Mountain Dew and about three packs of Camel light wides. Wed be up late playing video games most nights. A few nights, wed be lucky enough to go out to snag some coffee at Dennys. We met a steady flow of girls, kissed them, touched them and didnt call them again. We had a pretty happy life for a few months leading a bachelors existence: up to our knees in rubbish, on unvaccumed floors and over-turned ashtrays, magic cards and comic books. We went to rock shows and I did my best to document everything by doing a drawing of stuff Matt told me was good enough to do drawings of. He had something of a natural and difficult to explain leadership streak in him. Hed be the last to agree with that.
Between going to class and work, one night in January of 2001, at one of Coreys boyfriends shows, we met Clair. I remember writing her number on my arm with lipstick. It ultimately became Matts. As the winter wound down, Matt and I kept up a steady flow of stunts, like camping out in front of Wherehouse Records to get Ozzfest tickets. There was something strangely satisfying in being almost idiotic with him, as if I was Tom to Huck, Oliver to Jack Dawkins, The Narrator to Tyler Durden.
It was that spring that I met Matts friends: Arnie and Skott. Skott will be more or less overlooked as hes not worth pushing the keys to make letters in to words for. But to do the time he and I were friends justice, heres the scoop: Skott, to make a long story short, was a two-faced lazy phony pushing thirty who had ulterior motives, shady agendas, repulsive goals, boring stories and unfunny jokes to tell. He thinks Im sad some how, as if I never achieved anything in my life. I guess if getting two college degrees and hold two jobs is nothing and pathetic, so be it. But heres my idea of nothing and pathetic: being a loud-mouth, know nothing screw up. And thats all anyone will ever have to know about him.
Arnie was an R2-D2 to a C-3PO, a trust-worthy friend whos weary to trust anyone else. Kind of a contradiction, but even though were no longer friends, I feel as though I can and would tell him anything and hed keep it a secret. Sadly, I think he feels as though Im unworthy of his trust. We havent been friends for a year and I still have no idea what the hell happened between us. Id like nothing more than anything to be his friend again, but most frustrating about Arnie is his tenacious unbending stubbornness and his absolute refusal to compromise. Which can, at times, be beneficial, but by and large, I have to imagine, has to be a powerful drawback for Arnie.
Also notable about Arnie, hes one of the few guys Ive ever kissed. It wasnt bad. It was like kissing the girl from high schoolmustache stubble and all.
It was also that spring that I worked the first, and to date, the only, comic book convention Ive ever worked at. It was nice. I met San, which, to be honest, is the only significant event that took place there. But when I think about it, San and I have been talking this long and theres something kind of rewarding about that.
I dont remember too much about the summer of 2001.
I think it was in the fall of 2001 that I dated Amanda for a bit. Back then, it was real. Looking back, it was good enough for then. She and I were not unlike Daphne and I and the girls at Matts, friends you got to kiss. Shortly after nine eleven, I crashed my car and went two years until I had another one. I hooked up in to an indy comic book publish group in Jackson and tried to get some books published. Looking back, they were bad and its no wonder they didnt go anywhere. In December 2001, the comic book store closed and relocated. Jason and Trevor left the company and I lost track of them. I still see them once in a while. Trevor still hates me for stealing his girl and getting him fired, I think. But almost five years later, I dont care how he feels.
In spring 2002, Amanda and I broke up. It was one of those things not unlike losing a pet. The sooner youre detached from it, the betterthe less youll be attached to it when the time comes to lose it.
That last bit made me feel bad. Amandas no ones pet to be owned or to be taken from. The steady flow of dudes she went on to dominate was a downward spiral. Not to build myself up or anything, but after me, she dated fuckin down in the world.
I remember sleep walking through the summer and fall of 2002 and graduating that December. I scrambled to get in to a school last minute. With my associates under my belt, pretty much any school I applied to wanted me. I elected to go to Eastern Michigan University, which was another of my best of my bad calls. Eastern served its purposes in getting my degree in two years. It was just kind of a junky place with enough shady dealings with the executives to make the scum at Enron and in the current White house blush.
But it was at Eastern where Robin and I met on the internet. If I wasnt so lonely, I doubt Idve spent so much time on the computer. She came here and lived on campus and eventually lived with a scum bucket bitch who also isnt worth elaborating on. It was because of her she left Eastern and went back to Jersey.
I guess that about brings me up to speed. At the moment, Im still living in downtown Ypsi, selling books to students at a text book store and anime to fans in Ann Arbor. I have two jobs and I work a little more than forty hours a week. The Tigers and the Pistons are doing good. God is in his heaven and all is right in the world. Im in love with Robin and Ive finally found someone I love more than anyone ever. Were going to get married once she graduates and I can see a happy ending in the works. Im sure theres more I could say, more people I could mention and more drama to go in to, more important events I ought to go on about. Doors have been closed and windows have been opened and at the moment, Im satisfied.