this much i know to be true
i am completely fucked up. i am an addict - i have kicked drugs but sex is the one thing that continues to get in the way of me nurturing healthy relationships. i want, need, crave contact - but i don't deserve it. at every turn in the road i feel a distinct sense of having already lost control. indeed i am ALREADY out of control.
i am full of a seething self-loathing that makes it easy for me to sabotage myself and betray my most sincere efforts.
if you want to know me, stay away. keep me at an arm's length. pull me close in the dead of night, push me away by the light of day. this is to be the closest contact i can manage.
i met a girl. i was already completely fucked up. it's got nothing to do with her. i am willing to trade a lifetime of friendship for a mutual orgasm.
how fucked up is that?
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what is a friend?
i don't know. i don't think i want any. i don't know what it is to BE a friend. i don't want that kind of responsibility. i can't be there for you. i am barely there for me, so where exactly do you fit in? i want everything for you - i have NOTHING for you. what do you claim to have for me and what does that mean? you want to be friends. i don't.
i have contempt for you. i hate myself, and it's second-nature for me to project this on you. on you alone. and me of course. so you see i am crazy, so i say i am crazy for you, but in reality i am crazy in myself. you want to be friends. i don't.
i have been bitten by the jealousy bug. irrational actions and unreasonable reactions are symptoms of my infection. all the self-medicating in the world did nothing to stem the symptoms, ease the pain, or address the issue. i know for a fact that you are no good for me. i accept the fact that i am no good for you. i want nothing to do with it. you want to be friends. i don't.
after all - i don't know you. you have awakened something in me. i work everyday to put that to sleep. i work everyday to leave you to yourself. it is work. i want everything for you. i want nothing to do with you. i am working to forget you. i don't want to be your friend.
this is not about friends. we are not friends. get over it. don't leave me alone.
i am completely fucked up. i am an addict - i have kicked drugs but sex is the one thing that continues to get in the way of me nurturing healthy relationships. i want, need, crave contact - but i don't deserve it. at every turn in the road i feel a distinct sense of having already lost control. indeed i am ALREADY out of control.
i am full of a seething self-loathing that makes it easy for me to sabotage myself and betray my most sincere efforts.
if you want to know me, stay away. keep me at an arm's length. pull me close in the dead of night, push me away by the light of day. this is to be the closest contact i can manage.
i met a girl. i was already completely fucked up. it's got nothing to do with her. i am willing to trade a lifetime of friendship for a mutual orgasm.
how fucked up is that?
--------------------------------------------
what is a friend?
i don't know. i don't think i want any. i don't know what it is to BE a friend. i don't want that kind of responsibility. i can't be there for you. i am barely there for me, so where exactly do you fit in? i want everything for you - i have NOTHING for you. what do you claim to have for me and what does that mean? you want to be friends. i don't.
i have contempt for you. i hate myself, and it's second-nature for me to project this on you. on you alone. and me of course. so you see i am crazy, so i say i am crazy for you, but in reality i am crazy in myself. you want to be friends. i don't.
i have been bitten by the jealousy bug. irrational actions and unreasonable reactions are symptoms of my infection. all the self-medicating in the world did nothing to stem the symptoms, ease the pain, or address the issue. i know for a fact that you are no good for me. i accept the fact that i am no good for you. i want nothing to do with it. you want to be friends. i don't.
after all - i don't know you. you have awakened something in me. i work everyday to put that to sleep. i work everyday to leave you to yourself. it is work. i want everything for you. i want nothing to do with you. i am working to forget you. i don't want to be your friend.
this is not about friends. we are not friends. get over it. don't leave me alone.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
you seem sad...me too....hope you feel better....being sad is sucky...makes me want to be alone....
ps.. you need a hug!