erin

i am ill.

i take this to mean that i am somehow flawed, as i seem to get ill quite frequently, especially when i return to my hometown. my parents always tell me the coughing will stop when i quit smoking, and i have been unsuccessful at convincing them that it is thier fault. they live in a dry dry place that is very cold and there are always babies around. everyone knows babies=disease.

i am also going to quit smoking.

yknow, i think it's time. i know i've posted that i will quit many times before, but this time i believe it to be the honest truth. driving home three hours tonight will be the ultimate test of will power, because i do happen to have a pack of cigarettes that i have been unable to throw out the window. damn willpower. why must you fail me!

i have a method. it involves a certain herbal tincture which is taken in somewhat large doses, as you chainsmoke for an hour straight. it is supposed to make you feel queasy, which you then associate with the nicotine, and after five days will supposedly make you fear cigarettes like the plague. i think it sounds promising. how about you? then, a bath in epsom salts will maybe suck the remaining nicotine out of your blood system, to help rid you of the chemical need for the sorry substance. follow with something that will keep the oral and hand to mouth fixation soothed, (what i do not know - carrots?) and i think it might work.

anyway, i'm going to try. a few days of being queasy doesn't sound too bad, especially if it works.

my mom has been in and out of the hospital lately, for little things here and there. it worries me. i don't want to see my parents fall apart piece by piece....

my brother was very cool with the website. i am glad. i have been proudly rambling on about it since i realized he is happy for me. i am lucky, this time.