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erin

Small Town, USA

SG Since 2002

Followers 3564 Following 162

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Thursday Dec 12, 2002

Dec 11, 2002
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wow.
since o fixed the calendar i went back to my first journal entry ever on sg and remembered what it was like to be the new girl.

i waited two or three weeks, thinking about it constantly, worrying about my decision, the members, the other girls, who i would be... trying to figure it all out. i remember mia going with me to my photoshoot, how nervous i was and inexperienced. it shows in my first pictures so much i despise them. i wish they were eradicated. it bothers me that people look at them and think that it is the way i am now. i wish i could bury them in pages of pictures of me as i think of myself, but that will never be photographed.

i don't mean i regret anything, it's just as if i am constantly showing everyone pictures of me at my high school prom.... the braces, dorky flats, ill fitting dress and all.

i will not do another photoset until i get it right. not that this is a dramatic exit or i am leaving the site (im-fucking-possible at this point i think) but i just want to express that no-one should look at picture sets 1 through 5. make that 1 through 6. well, wherever the girly action starts. the rest are ok i think.

thank you very much!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
maladroitdork:
oh and I like that set mostly cause the RED and black (being my favorite colors) and the semi-innocent look on your face dosen't hurt the shoot. smile
Dec 11, 2002
ericj:
Guaranteed it's not the same as pictures of *yourself*, but similar. I find I have the same feelings with artwork I've done. In fact, I had some very real stress when our first issue of our comic came out a few months ago because some of the pages were done nearly two years apart from others, and *to me* they were clearly inferior, you know? So I had this huge, I don't know, complex about it, but then we started getting reviews for the book and *every* one of them singled out the art as being very good, and not one of them mentioned *any* inconsistancy in the art. Then, at the San Diego con, the first con that we actually had a full book to sell, not one person, even when asked directly, definitively noted any substandard pages. I know, I know, they wouldn't to my face, that's why I got all CIA on their asses, but that's another post.

My point is, all of your photos are rad. Yes, you look more comfortable in your later sets, but that doesn't change the fact that your earlier ones weren't cool. And, ultimately, they are reflections of who you are, or were at the time. No photo can tell us who the *real* Veronica is. We can hopefully get glimpses of your personality, but ultimately we're only seeing your relationship with the camera, which is cool, but that's why it's art, it's just an interpretation.

What's my point, oh yeah, everytime you do a set, assuming you do more, you're going feel like you've hit a new high (at least I hope you do) and you're going to feel, especially the farther away you get from them, that your earlier work sucks. And the farther along you get, the more you'll feel that way. I can't tell you how many of my comic artist buddies wish they could go out and round up every book they did before their last and burn them, but unfortunately they (we) can't. And it's *really* a good thing because it presses us forward. I know it's a little different when we're talking about pictures of yourself, but if you wait until you've got it *all* figured out, and your *sure* that you've got the end all be all set in mind and are in a position to pull it off, well, I wonder if that day would ever come. Maybe it never will. For us, comic artists I mean, we do what we do because it's almost a compulsion, you know, it's sure as hell not for the money (money? what is this thing m-one-y you speak of? smile ), I don't honestly (because I have no frame of reference) know if the same is true for shooting a set, I don't know if you feel compelled to shoot more sets. If you don't then I guess that's the answer, because as soon as you shoot a new one and then get down the road a bit you're going to start deconstructing it in your mind as well. For me, that's a big part of why I keep drawing. I think my old shit sucks, but I have this overwhelming believe that I can do better, so I keep trying and it's this big vicious cycle. tongue biggrin uggh!

Ok, so, in summation tongue your sets are all rad (although Alter 1*sigh* smile), do what you feel is best, your eyes are devastating (for sure), and, um, I need to sleep. Hopefully I don't regret this post in the morning. biggrin

Peace!

Dec 11, 2002

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