eries

Life of a Pornstore Clerk


This was taken from a thread I made in a forum I was a member of.
Thinking how I go by the Pornstoreclerk and I have yet to share any stories I leave below the following. Those who wish to continue the thread here just pm me and I'll reply and add it to the blog.

Little history:
I grew up with my parents being swingers, and my father ran and printed the Midwests largest Swingers Mag (SLAS) and club for the Greater Midwest as well. and I did promotions for 3 adults sides as well as working at a porn store for roughly 6 years and a bouncer at a strip club for 3 years. I've either seen it, done it, or have it on tape..

So ask your questions do not be afraid, Nothing will insult me and nothing will go unanswered.

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Ok some facts to help with what maybe said...

Arcade -
A view area that shows 30 films that play on repeat 24 hours a day.
The films are divided up of All Male, All Female, Bondage, Fetish, Straight, Orgy and Transsexual.

Cost: It is required to buy 5 dollars worth of Tokens to be allowed to enter the Arcade. Each token gives you 5 minutes of viewing time and they look like white dollar bills with a special logo.. You can use normal money with each dollar increment giving you 5 minutes. so 5 bucks give you 25 minutes, 20 bucks give you 100 minutes.


Theater -
A large viewing room with two private "Smoking" rooms that have one way windows. There is a 73inch tv build into the wall and there is 4 movies that play through out the day. 3 straight, 1 All Male.

Cost: It is 10dollars for an 8 hour pass. You may come and go as long as you hold on to your pass within the 8 hour time period.

Private Viewing -
3 Private viewing rooms were you can pick out your own video and watch it alone undisturbed.

Cost: 6 Dollars per video, can not be longer than 2 hours.
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Hmm.. Well depends on your idea of strange..
The most re known customer in our store was this guy we called Grandma..
He was a 80+ year old Cross dresser and one of the nicest people I have ever met.. But for the common person to see him it was very strange.. cause you could so tell it was a guy.

Next on the list is a guy we knew as Harry.. He dated back to serving in the Korean Conflict and took shrapnel to the head and basically had a field lobotomy.. He was very strange and asked us to call him buffy and would act "fruity" then 3 minutes later he would be a normal person just looking at porn.

And Finally we had a guy who was completely loopy.. He swore that All of us at the store was in tight with the CIA selling customer info to build a large porn member list.. It got bad enough that I had to ban him from the store.. Later in the same week he parked across the street and was watching our customers enter and leave the store.. So I came out to get him to move and he tried to run me down with his car.. In which I jumped in my Jeep and chased him down with him AGAIN trying to run me off the road this time..

I showed him my security badge and did the finger across my neck to him and I never saw him again..

What's the pay like? I have been thinking about starting a weekend job. And Hot Topic just rejected me!
Its the typical 7-9 dollars a hour job.. At my location while I was Night Manager we would pay more to the night crew "Midnight to 8am" because they had to "clean" all the rooms and stuff and yeah.. 7bucks wasn't worth cleaning the store...

What was the "weirdest" product you sold to someone you thought was "nice clean cut Sunday church going" person?
Hehehe... It would have to be the 40 ounce "as round as a 40 of beer" butt plug. or the Fist.. Which is what it sounds like.. Both of those were sold to this real tiny girl who was around 24 years old and had to be under 115 pnds and maybe 5'6 tall... Even when She came to check out.. I just had to ask "Are these for you? If so can I watch." She just started laughing and told me she put on web shows and gave me a free acount.

Hmm.. I'll do foursome on this one..

1st: One day while I was watching the video cameras from the main office I spotted a guy running around naked in the down stair hallways. So I grabbed pa Mic and spoke in a deep voice.. "THIS is GOD.... I see you and do not approve. Please cover your ass and get back in the theater. The guy jumped out of his skin and grabbed his clothes and took off out the store naked.

2nd: The first time I caught a shop lifter.. I just did my rounds in our novelty section and faced all the products making it look nice. Not even 5 minutes later this guy walks through and is fingering.. um touching and moving merchandise around.. He begins to walk away from the area and I lean over to him saying look man.. I just straighten that shit up. Please go back and put stuff were it was.. at which he opened his coat and pulled out a rubber dildo and lube...

3rd: One night we had 10... YES 10... midgets come strolling into our store.. for me I had a fun ass time with them. we had a Love swing up and some of the girls wanted to test it out so I would pick them up one my one and put them in the swing.. They checked out all of the stuff in the store and stayed for about 4 to 5 hours..

4rth.. We had a guy we called Lerch.. as in Adams Family. He stayed in our store in the preview rooms for 40 hours... I saw him come in on my shift, I left came back the next day to work a double and he was still going strong.

Think of a movie theater when they show kids movies..
(soda spills, candy etc...) About that sticky

no......

No It wasn't our duty and honestly ALOT of people hate the fact we are here.. Like Christian groups would picket or even send death threats to the store...

It would work out roughly like this...
90% Men - 25% of them Straight - 60% Gay - 15% Bi
10% Women 75% - Straight 25% Bi/Lesbian
We didn't get women in often maybe 100 a month or so..

Honestly No one I ever told seemed disgusted with it.. Majority of found it interesting and always asked me questions like these. =) I always had them wanting to know when I worked next so they could come in and stop by..
Most common question I would get after someone would find out was...
You guys Hiring?

No.. I did receive gifts from customers like them going out and buying me food from fastfood places (ONLY if I trusted them) One guy worked for Virgin records and would bring in free cds and gave me and our manager leather coats with the virgin logo..

Though.. I was given a clone a willy kit for an Xmas gift from my Manager to surprise my now Ex wife..

But back to tips.. Mostly no gifts and we were not allowed to have a tip jar.. I almost lost my job for putting one up on the day before my Birthday for a drinking fund. =) We did have a large majority of Gay guys though so If you were a male and treated everyone with respect you tend to get more tips than the girls would..

Tips being they go to buy 5 dollars in tokens and pay with a ten leaving you the 5 dollars. Most of the time I think this was their hope of "buying us off" so they could get away with doing things normal customers wouldn't get away with. Other tips were finding random tokens around the store and cashing them back in for real money.. ALSO looked down upon but both me and the main manager didn't mind as long as you wasn't cashing in hundreds of dollars in tokens...

When I worked there Before I became a Night Manager I was given 50cent raise after 90 days, then 50cent raise at 6 months and a 75cent raise every year afterwards.

The Night crew would get 75cents and dollar raises though.

When I became NM I was locked in at 15 bucks with 3 weeks vacation paid. Every year I was given a dollar raise and 3 more vacation days.

And if you ment the other raises yes my first few months there is sucked cause Well porn was playing all around you and I was your typical 20yr old =) After 6 months though I became desensitized to it..

And now even to this day hearing a woman moaning just cracks me up if it is OVER dramatic.

I was First hired on to be a bouncer for a porn star who was coming in to sign autographs for the store. The owners knew my dad and he told them about me and they told me to come on in. When I showed up I was looking a the register and computer system and told the Manager I knew the system from a previous job and could fill in if need be. When the lady showed up Her Manager/Publicist/Bodyguard said there was no need for me and Well the manager gave me a trail that night.

Everyone else while I worked there was the typical saw your add in the newspaper or I heard you were hiring. Recommendations work wonders though. I had 3 friends and my ex wife working at my store over the 6 years I worked there. All they had to do was come in meet the manager hang out and fill out an App. And that was mostly to get all the info for their paychecks.

Lol why is this?

Its a normal job kind of a shady job but still a normal job like everything else..

Just one of those jobs that not many people know of or hear of..

Shit When the Show Dirty jobs 1st started airing I sent in a tape for my store and was sent a reply saying as much as the crew and host would most likely enjoy doing it.... We are sorry to say it honestly is too risque for them to air.

I haven't worked there in over two years.. I got married found out the misses was pregnant and decided to find a more wholesome job. Then when she went nuts and left when my daughter was 9ms old I got a divorce and figured I could never work there again cause she would use it against me...

It was hard enough to get full custody as a man... If I worked there now A new state law dictates that I would have to be registered in the State as working for a Sexual oriented business and in the courts that's viewed upon very very badly.

BUT to answer your question..

When I did work there We were a 24hr business NEVER closed except for 1-2 hours for nightly cleaning around 3-5am.. Not even on Thanksgiving or Christmas..

The shifts were 12-8am, 8am-4pm, 4pm-12Midnight.
I worked a shift of 6pm-4am as night manager. Mostly Sunday, Tuesday-Friday Every once in awhile I would do Sat nights.

Hell yeah, was the best job I had besides being a bouncer.
Sweet hours, no dress code, no worries. Porn all around, I met alot of cool people and still have friendships from folks I met there.

2nd. 29 going on 22 if you catch my drift =D

It is DEFINITELY not job alot of people think it is..

1st off you got assholes who would do some sick shit in the store..
Then you had to deal with drugs, fights, infectious diseases.. (Dirty needles/jizzum/etc...) and still deal with the health board who would do random inspections and also fight of religious groups because its against a certain standard of life.

Though Alot more women apply than men which was strange. But the interviews were always funny as hell. We didn't like prudes, we didn't hire people who was up type and normally asshole employees wouldn't last more than a week or two anyway.. If you were homophobic then you def couldn't work there. You would be fired in a second.. I mean you could make the comments fuckin fag or what a flammer etc.. sometimes they pissed you off..

But if you was found to be complete against gays you was fired. We all was told before we were hired if your a guy expect to be hit on, if your a girl expect to be hit on.. If you can not stand gay guys asking to see your penis or cock then you cant work here simple as that.. Do you have to show them? No, but don't get offended.. This is the business you are wanting to work in.

Its the type of business that you have to make clear there is no such thing as sexual harassment.. I mean touching the other employees are def out of the question unless well you know them or they have clearly shown they didn't care. But You have to talk about sex, explain in detail what some toys do and well you work in a sex shop.. You can't be shy about it.. Most of the workers ended up seeing each other naked anyway down the line. Either because someone would loose a bet or for like what happened with me..

Then you had the computer system so you could go in and look up other employees video rental memberships and see what they are renting.. So It was always fun fun fun.. Best and most common joke was if a worker came in they grab some movies and hand the box covers over to you and you in turn had to pull the movies from the catalog.

The joke hits in with if you gave us 4 movies... One movie was always something you didn't want. Like an All male, some sick Bondage flick, Midget porn, (MY FAVORITE!) or some sick fetish movie. Sometimes you would get 3 sucker films and only 1 of the titles you wanted but after the first time you learned to check or get home and be pissed.

We also would sometimes close the store on certain special occasions to have a private worker party. Shit when you have a theater in your store with a 73Inch tv mounted into a wall and surround sound system it was always nice to watch Normal movies or set up some video game action for a few hours. That's when we workers as well as the boss would get drunk maybe smoke some pot and just enjoy the night with our fellow workers and very very close friends.

Its not that I couldn't download it, but to really own such rare porns, its a great feeling of pleasure
If it was a rental movie it ran 45-70 bucks for the film. When DVDs began to hit big time they sold for 30-50bucks.
Highest priced flick we had was an all male that was supposed to be very very rare and we sold it for 120bucks.

Yes, we all did after some time there.
We had 3 TVs in the back of our little work area (Place that houses the cash register, entire movie catalog, etc.. etc..) They were used incase someone said their videos didn't work or for us to see how far along the videos were in the theater or arcade. I hot wired the TVs so you could watch the local channels or even bring in your own dvd to watch while there..

I always worked on the holidays and superbowl (Xmas was busier than Super Bowl) and would bring in a playstation or x-box to keep me entertained. While College students that worked there did their homework. It was pretty simple to watch the store, watch the camera's and keep an eye on the novelty area.

I was sent a Pm about my scariest moment..

Id say my scariest moment would have to be when I heard someone shout out "IM GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU!" from the arcade..

I ran over popped the lock and ran in with my tire knocker.. I run around the corner and come across a guy with a knife up to the neck of another guys throat. I tackle the guy with the knife and look at the other guy saying You have 5 minutes to get out of here and leave before I let this guy go..

After the "victim" left I begin to push the other guy around asking wtf his problem was..
Come to find out the victim was jingling the door after the guy inside kept telling him to go away.. Then the victim popped the door open asking if the other guy wanted his dick sucked..

Seems the other guy wasn't to happy about it.. Anyway I had to ban them both and kept the knife as a souvenir

If the life long dream of a person is to find a job that is fun, and pays enough to support your life style then yes..

While I worked there I made about 480 a week take home and my share of rent was 300 bucks. I lived 4 miles from work so a tank of gas would last me if I just went to work and back at least 3 weeks easily..

I mean the store did have it shitty periods when you had nothing but trolls in the rooms and you had to keep yelling at folks or on days were you have high rentals and your constantly having to put the movies in the correct cases, rewind films, check for scratches on DVDs... Or the nights when people would bitch about what movie was playing in the theater and to put the next film in...

Or the nights when the creeps came out (Normally full moons no joke) That's the worse...
Filthy smelly pervy trolls. Either in there for a bj or looking/selling a fix of some sorts..

But the good moments seriously outweigh the worse..

theFlameAlchemist
Does your body/soul/mind feel tainted from your adultery of deeds?
Do you feel like if you died now your life would be meaningless?
Do you think you had 1 orgasm too many?
Do you wish you didn't swing?
Do you wish for a chance at life and be a child story book writer?
Do you wish to be forgiven for anything?
Do you wish to die?...
No
Nope
hell no
Um, I never was a swinger my rents were..
I still could be a children's book author
Nope, no regrets so far..
Nah, I have so much to live for..

Hmm..
Store - there was a girl who came into the store wanting some bondage flicks. When she checked out our section she came up to the counter upset that there was no bloody bondage flicks.. Come to find out she is into stabbing.. As in being stabbed in order to have an orgasm.. After talking to her for at least an hour she eventually lifted up her dress to show me and my female co worker at least 50-60 scars all over her body from being cut stabbed or otherwise punctured. She told us the root of all of this was when she was 14-15 yrs old she was raped and the attacker her stabbed her a few times with a nail or ice pick as she began to scream from having an orgasm.. It was her first sexual experience and for some reason she now can not have a full orgasm with out now being stabbed or pierced.

Life - Fuck a goat. A girl I know and actually she is one of the girls in the pics in this thread already told me and a few friends about wanting to fuck a goat. Well even when I had sex with her I would make little baaahs and shit just goofing around and it really got her off. Well one day a friend said he wanted to prove her wrong and he knew a guy who had a goat and said it would be ok for her to do this as long as he could see it cause he has never seen it either..

So we all get in my jeep and drive down to this guys farm and sure enough she fucked a goat and every single guy there including my self just saw jaw dropped...

needless to say none of us ever slept with her again =)

Not unless I find my self without a job and in desperate need of money..

They made a new law in the state and I would have to Register as an Employee in a Sexual workplace and yeah.. That don't look right when I'm a single father of a lil girl..

Maybe 1-2...

They tend to just come in and when you asked for help shrugged away and always kept their heads down never wanting to make eye contact..

The best was the girls cause first off most of the girls would go to buy a toy that was petite or very very small... or very pretty... I normally wouldn't say anything cause if they are too shy to even look at me and say hello then they will not accept my advice in what's crap or not..

Guys never seemed to shy.. Awestruck would be more like it.

And I know it probably sounds like I'm all high and mighty and know it all.. No I don't and I was wrong with probably 15-20% of my customers... But If they came in and said something to me, I always gave them a nice discount on the next item to make up for it.. I believed in return business.. See we had a no return policy.. Once it is paid for it can not come back.. It was posted EVERYWHERE....

If it needed to be plugged in or used batteries we would open it up and make sure it worked before we sold it. So everyone knew what they was buying before it was even sold to them.. I know there was only 1 return the entire time I was there and I had to call the owners to get it approved cause the manager was even like woh... um I don't think we can legally take it back...

Well I learned a lot about what like or want compared to what I knew when I first started..

1st off...
COMMUNICATION... I never knew it was so important but to have a successful love life and relationship it plays a HUGE role...

I also learned that just sticking your fingers in and wiggling them around is not very successful.. foreplay is almost always more welcome than sex itself etc... etc..
So yeah I did learn a lot..

Porn is and will always be funny to me for the most part.. Since I worked for my dad for a little while when he ran his Photo studio I learned a lot about Cinematography and when I watch porn its funny how many cords, mics, mirror images of camera men etc.. in it.. Plus there is comedy porn which is humorous in its on right..

And yes, All Female became way too boring.. For the first year that's all I rented then It kinda came into a slump of the exact same thing over and over except with different actors.. Just think of watching Superman with 18 different Actors playing him in each movie..

Something like that... It was 30 inches long and had a girth of 10 inches..

I don't remember if I answered this or not.

There was this one guy looked all skeezey grease complexion looked like he had oily hair and track marks on his arms and legs.. just typical skeeze.
He would come into the store and troll back and forth between our different areas and did this over a span of days and would sneek into areas and basically pissed me and another worker off on the same shift.

I banned him told him not to come back and two days later he came back just not on my main shift.. So I come in find him here and kick his ass back out.. He does this for 3 weeks before I went to my boss and we staked out for him. He came in and started spewing shit out about us working for the CIA and how we and the FBI have been trying to set him up da bomb. (hehe) We both boot him out and tell him look come back we call the cops or kick your ass.. Maybe both so get the fuck out and don't come back..

That weekend he came back but parked in the parking lot across from us and was watching who went in and went out. I go after him and he takes off.. I jump in my jeep and chase him down... I wanted to kick his ass now.. While I was going after him, he stopped at a stop sign made a wide left and I went to follow when he circled around and got behind me.. So I get up to the main and he begins trying to run me off the road. After a few tries I we made it back to the porn store so I pull in to get him to follow while 1 worker and 3 regulars were waiting as well..

He pretty much saw what was going on and took off.. But I think that was the only time I ever worried about myself being in danger compared to some one else.

Yes the Majority of customers were/are men. Majority of the men were blue collar workers who came in before or after work for the fix before going home.
Then you had the porn yuppies.

A Porn Yuppie, walks, looks, drives, lives etc... All like a yuppie but spend ALOT of money on porn.. See I hate yuppies because of the I'm better than your ass cause I were a polo and drive a 40k+ car..
Porn Yuppies would come in and be all friendly ask for advice on films, what's a top rental or hot rental.. They were my favorite type of customer other than a number of the gay guys and the "freaks"

The only females to come rarely used the back rooms or rented movies.. It was mostly to get toys.. Now couples would rent movies, or go in the back rooms.. But very very rarely would Single girls go in there.. Those that did was watched like the One white guy at an Al-Qaeda meeting. One person that everyone else wanted to fuck up some how..