Girlfriends Suck
OR
Why Erich Doesn't Date Much Anymore
I don't date much anymore. I've kinda given up on that as a concept. Oh, sure, I still occasionally look for someone I can date, but it's not a priority any more. Why? I'm glad you asked.
Let me give you a brief rundown on my dating history. This isn't all of them, just the highlights.
There was Cynthia, my first serious girlfriend. We dated for a while. She gave me a hand job in the car one day, as a 'thank you' for picking her up from work. It was the first rain of the season. I wasn't paying much attention to the road, for obvious reasons. Coming down an overpass, I realized the light was red. I hit the brakes. The car hit a patch of oil that the rain had brought to the surface. We slid into a Chevy Suburban. It took weeks for the fingernail marks and cuts (yes, she broke skin) to heal. We didn't talk much after that.
There was Tracy, the girl I took to Senior Prom; She killed herself.
There was Cheryl. We dated for a while. Then she dumped me. For a woman. Kind of an ego killer.
There was Darcy. I couldn't get her to turn the lights on when we had sex. I'm guessing that the orgies she took part in when she claimed to be in study groups were also in the dark.
There was Cynthia, again. We dated for a while after I got out of the Army. She also left me for a woman. Once is a bad thing. Twice? That's a pattern. Not a good one, either.
There was Robin who decided she liked me, "but not that way".
There was Amanda who also liked me, "but not that way".
Shit, there were a fucking LOT who liked me, "but not that way". Lemme tell you, Telling a guy you like them as a friend when they ask you out is a REALLY fucked up thing to do.
Then, there was Amy. Oh, fuck.... Let's see... Start with some back-story. She and I went out a few times in high school. I always kinda thought of her as "the one who got away". When we met up again at Empire College, I figured it was a sign. After a couple of months of dating, I moved in. For a month. Then she was evicted. Why? A little thing about not paying rent for 6 months!!! She "didn't think they were serious". Then, she moved in with her Dad. Long story short, she eventually managed to get him evicted, too. Her son had a bad habit of throwing up in my car. Guess who cleaned up after the little [bad word]? Nope, not Her. At Wal-Mart one day, a little child was singing 'Ring Around The Roses". She says (out fuckin loud!) "Nice, teaching your kid a song all about the black plague"!!!! FUCKIN A DUDE!!! I just backed the hell up and got out of the way as Mom tore her a new one.
I could go on about Amy, the hundreds of dollars she stole from me, the many many DVDs I had to replace... But, I'm just going to end up punching yet another hole in my wall thinking about her.
Those are just examples of the serious girlfriends. There have been countless first dates, and damn few second dates. My last first date, shows up with her 8 year old daughter, her 40 year old best friend, and her best friend's 12 year old son!!!!! Now, I don't mind dating someone with kids, but bringing them on a date??????
And that's why Erich don't go out much no more.
OR
Why Erich Doesn't Date Much Anymore
I don't date much anymore. I've kinda given up on that as a concept. Oh, sure, I still occasionally look for someone I can date, but it's not a priority any more. Why? I'm glad you asked.
Let me give you a brief rundown on my dating history. This isn't all of them, just the highlights.
There was Cynthia, my first serious girlfriend. We dated for a while. She gave me a hand job in the car one day, as a 'thank you' for picking her up from work. It was the first rain of the season. I wasn't paying much attention to the road, for obvious reasons. Coming down an overpass, I realized the light was red. I hit the brakes. The car hit a patch of oil that the rain had brought to the surface. We slid into a Chevy Suburban. It took weeks for the fingernail marks and cuts (yes, she broke skin) to heal. We didn't talk much after that.
There was Tracy, the girl I took to Senior Prom; She killed herself.
There was Cheryl. We dated for a while. Then she dumped me. For a woman. Kind of an ego killer.
There was Darcy. I couldn't get her to turn the lights on when we had sex. I'm guessing that the orgies she took part in when she claimed to be in study groups were also in the dark.
There was Cynthia, again. We dated for a while after I got out of the Army. She also left me for a woman. Once is a bad thing. Twice? That's a pattern. Not a good one, either.
There was Robin who decided she liked me, "but not that way".
There was Amanda who also liked me, "but not that way".
Shit, there were a fucking LOT who liked me, "but not that way". Lemme tell you, Telling a guy you like them as a friend when they ask you out is a REALLY fucked up thing to do.
Then, there was Amy. Oh, fuck.... Let's see... Start with some back-story. She and I went out a few times in high school. I always kinda thought of her as "the one who got away". When we met up again at Empire College, I figured it was a sign. After a couple of months of dating, I moved in. For a month. Then she was evicted. Why? A little thing about not paying rent for 6 months!!! She "didn't think they were serious". Then, she moved in with her Dad. Long story short, she eventually managed to get him evicted, too. Her son had a bad habit of throwing up in my car. Guess who cleaned up after the little [bad word]? Nope, not Her. At Wal-Mart one day, a little child was singing 'Ring Around The Roses". She says (out fuckin loud!) "Nice, teaching your kid a song all about the black plague"!!!! FUCKIN A DUDE!!! I just backed the hell up and got out of the way as Mom tore her a new one.
I could go on about Amy, the hundreds of dollars she stole from me, the many many DVDs I had to replace... But, I'm just going to end up punching yet another hole in my wall thinking about her.
Those are just examples of the serious girlfriends. There have been countless first dates, and damn few second dates. My last first date, shows up with her 8 year old daughter, her 40 year old best friend, and her best friend's 12 year old son!!!!! Now, I don't mind dating someone with kids, but bringing them on a date??????
And that's why Erich don't go out much no more.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
tonkakatt:
mkaes me glad I'm in my disfunctional marraige, at least its not as bad as your dateing history, which by the way, I could almost match some of those stories with my own pre-marraige dating history. 
bohogirl:
Whattcha up to homeboy?