I was asked to write about my feelings on relationships and I wrote this. It was just sort of stream of consciousness.
unlike everyone else I do not see the world exclusively from a self centered context. I tend to think of things from the beginning which was a long time ago.My core perspectives stem from the basic truth that everything that is taken for granted as the real world, the rules of how we are supposed to live and behave in the world are untrue. Humans evolved into a modern form over a million years ago. What we call civilization started effectively like 10,000 years ago. Somewhere in there culture developed, at least culture as it is popularly used. We evolved as hunter-gatherers. People living in small tribal groups. Groups of families, fluid nebulous families. Somewhere in there they began setting rules that were intended to control. To allow a small group at the top to take control of the lives of others. Somewhere along the way women went from being worshiped to being in chains, being property. The property of a father, sold in marriage to the highest bidder. Or for his strategic interests. Since all the rules that everyone takes as the way it is. The social training and normal existence I reject as being entirely and conclusively wrong. As I consider everything that is not based in rational, logical thought and deep analysis of pure facts to be fundamentally wrong. That leaves me in my place. I simply exist. I live my life. I live an open existence. My mind is absolutely open to all that is in the world. I am open to all that is in the world. I do not live my life thinking or worrying about if I am doing what any other person may think is right, good, moral, following the same rules as everyone else. I do not think I have to do this with my life. I do not make my personal value based in my relationships with others. I do not compare my life to others and wonder if I am good enough. I just am. I reach out to people who I think are beautiful and express that to them. If they want to be a part of my life and want me included in theirs then so be it. I extend an invitation and what is done with it is up to them. I do not go out to public places seeking someone to have sex with. I have never had a one night stand. i have never had sex with a stranger. I fall in love with those who inspire such feelings. those who earn my respect and admiration. Emotions are the function of hormonal reactions that are set off by the assembly of pieces of sensory data in brain. Certain people will just have all the pieces within them that would earn them my infinite love. Many of them have and will never know. For the most part I never tell anyone unless I can't hold it back anymore. Usually it is a matter of the fact that they have the same affection for me. However, I always know that I love them more than they love me. No matter what they say. They may love me at that time, but it will fade. It will wane. They will move on after I have given them whatever it was that I was meant to give them. That is simply how it has been. My love has no limits and I only have room in my life for those worthy of my love. Those that I have lost I will always love as I did when I realized it. I have no expectation for any reciprocation. Everything I give, I do so freely. my love is eternal and unconditional. I give for the sake of benefiting whoever I give to. generally my relationships are quite one sided despite the best efforts of others. I do not necessarily have any distinctions in relationships as others do. All that I can say is my relationship with any given person is my relationship with that person and it is a sacred space. It is what it is between us. that is a space of freedom and privilege. people share things with me that they cannot share with anyone else, have never shared with anyone else, afraid to share with anyone else. I take the trust and faith invested in me with profound gravity and reverence. I share with others what I am capable of sharing with them. What someone gets out of me is based upon who they are. Usually everyone wants to own me. They want everything that I am to be theirs. They say they love me for who I am, all that I am. I haven't really found that to be true. Anyone who is in my life gets my eternal devotion. Eternal unconditional love and devotion aren't enough for people. All that matters is their emotional pain and soothing it. sating the gnawing hunger of their fears and insecurities. I know people lie to themselves. They cannot lie to me. I play along for their sake. I give them options to be open and find a path to their potential. In the end they want me to be what they want me to be. In general that is based in what they do not want to admit about themselves. They see through the lens of their unresolved emotional wounds but always insist that they don't have any or have over come them. It is always obvious that they haven't and how it is skewing their perspectives. As I said I do not have distinctions and labels. Someone is just who they are to me. if someone is worthy of giving pieces of my life to them, devoting my life and power to them. then I want them to be in my life forever. I am not however given to fighting to keep someone in my life if they do not want to be in my life. So many supposedly romantic love stories and reasons that people are together are based upon some superficial concepts, tricks or stunts. I cannot deny love at first sight. I have had it many times, but them I feel more than others can and usually in such situations that person is one whose face and characteristics I have known and been haunted with my entire life. I cringe at those stories where you may have someone talk about how it was so romantic he performed some crazy stunt or something and that means he really loved me. he impressed me because he wanted to fuck me so badly he did whatever. The only legitimate relationships exist on the basis of deep personal connections. I will admit that there are these things, these unspoken forces/energies, subconscious characteristics that draw people and connect people. Those are the things that really matter. People get into relationships for foolish reasons then have to get counseling or make some extraordinary efforts to force the relationship to work. There are those who will talk about arranged marriages and how successful they are. What they fail to mention are the facts that in such cultures it is not hey I marry you and we live a wonderful adventure getting to know each other, it is our families arranged for us to represent them in this business arrangement and they will be around here routinely to insure that we are not failing them. marriage is a business contract. It has nothing to do with love. All you need to love someone is to learn about and discover who that person is and then find that they have all the pieces that will inspire you to love that person. Nothing else is necessary. You need a legal contract to run a business, exchange products and services. Love does not need the intrusion of governments or religion. Yet somehow most everyone feels it does. In some cultures in the middle east before marriage the women have the men buy them expensive jewelry in case he divorces her then she can sell the jewelry and will have money to live. If you end a marriage it is not we are just not in love any more good bye. It is lets have a court dissolution of a contract registered with the state and see who gets what property and money. The only reason that I support gay marriage, well I do not support arbitrary hate and rules. But the reason in this context is that their love is not considered valid without it. society decided without these ridiculous rules they cannot be considered a family. You cannot call people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other a family and allow them the right to be unless they fulfill these rules and laws that have nothing to do with really being a family. They have everything to do with others trying to control others for the sake of control and forcing others to conform to the values they have decided are right because those values make them feel better about their pains and insecurities. In general religion and those who attempt to force their values on others or remove the privileges of others have severe emotional/psychological damage they are trying to cope with. basically I am a wounded selfish child, I hurt so I am going to take it out on everyone else. I am going to project my pain on everyone else so they can be just like me. Real love just is, and should be allowed to just be. Who you love and how you want to share your life with is no one's business except yours and who you choose to share it with. There are no limits, there are no rules. Anyone who says that there are and things are supposed to be this way are likely just weak small people full of fear and insecurity trying to force others to be like them so they can feel safe because no one else matters except them and their feelings. I don't care about anyone else. I don't care about anyone else's feelings. if you are important to me then You and your feelings matter to me. Everyone else has no reason to exist as far as I am concerned. Anyone who tries to force me to conform to the rules and values that they insist on will never be able to feel happiness again. That is the only promise I will ever make to anyone.
unlike everyone else I do not see the world exclusively from a self centered context. I tend to think of things from the beginning which was a long time ago.My core perspectives stem from the basic truth that everything that is taken for granted as the real world, the rules of how we are supposed to live and behave in the world are untrue. Humans evolved into a modern form over a million years ago. What we call civilization started effectively like 10,000 years ago. Somewhere in there culture developed, at least culture as it is popularly used. We evolved as hunter-gatherers. People living in small tribal groups. Groups of families, fluid nebulous families. Somewhere in there they began setting rules that were intended to control. To allow a small group at the top to take control of the lives of others. Somewhere along the way women went from being worshiped to being in chains, being property. The property of a father, sold in marriage to the highest bidder. Or for his strategic interests. Since all the rules that everyone takes as the way it is. The social training and normal existence I reject as being entirely and conclusively wrong. As I consider everything that is not based in rational, logical thought and deep analysis of pure facts to be fundamentally wrong. That leaves me in my place. I simply exist. I live my life. I live an open existence. My mind is absolutely open to all that is in the world. I am open to all that is in the world. I do not live my life thinking or worrying about if I am doing what any other person may think is right, good, moral, following the same rules as everyone else. I do not think I have to do this with my life. I do not make my personal value based in my relationships with others. I do not compare my life to others and wonder if I am good enough. I just am. I reach out to people who I think are beautiful and express that to them. If they want to be a part of my life and want me included in theirs then so be it. I extend an invitation and what is done with it is up to them. I do not go out to public places seeking someone to have sex with. I have never had a one night stand. i have never had sex with a stranger. I fall in love with those who inspire such feelings. those who earn my respect and admiration. Emotions are the function of hormonal reactions that are set off by the assembly of pieces of sensory data in brain. Certain people will just have all the pieces within them that would earn them my infinite love. Many of them have and will never know. For the most part I never tell anyone unless I can't hold it back anymore. Usually it is a matter of the fact that they have the same affection for me. However, I always know that I love them more than they love me. No matter what they say. They may love me at that time, but it will fade. It will wane. They will move on after I have given them whatever it was that I was meant to give them. That is simply how it has been. My love has no limits and I only have room in my life for those worthy of my love. Those that I have lost I will always love as I did when I realized it. I have no expectation for any reciprocation. Everything I give, I do so freely. my love is eternal and unconditional. I give for the sake of benefiting whoever I give to. generally my relationships are quite one sided despite the best efforts of others. I do not necessarily have any distinctions in relationships as others do. All that I can say is my relationship with any given person is my relationship with that person and it is a sacred space. It is what it is between us. that is a space of freedom and privilege. people share things with me that they cannot share with anyone else, have never shared with anyone else, afraid to share with anyone else. I take the trust and faith invested in me with profound gravity and reverence. I share with others what I am capable of sharing with them. What someone gets out of me is based upon who they are. Usually everyone wants to own me. They want everything that I am to be theirs. They say they love me for who I am, all that I am. I haven't really found that to be true. Anyone who is in my life gets my eternal devotion. Eternal unconditional love and devotion aren't enough for people. All that matters is their emotional pain and soothing it. sating the gnawing hunger of their fears and insecurities. I know people lie to themselves. They cannot lie to me. I play along for their sake. I give them options to be open and find a path to their potential. In the end they want me to be what they want me to be. In general that is based in what they do not want to admit about themselves. They see through the lens of their unresolved emotional wounds but always insist that they don't have any or have over come them. It is always obvious that they haven't and how it is skewing their perspectives. As I said I do not have distinctions and labels. Someone is just who they are to me. if someone is worthy of giving pieces of my life to them, devoting my life and power to them. then I want them to be in my life forever. I am not however given to fighting to keep someone in my life if they do not want to be in my life. So many supposedly romantic love stories and reasons that people are together are based upon some superficial concepts, tricks or stunts. I cannot deny love at first sight. I have had it many times, but them I feel more than others can and usually in such situations that person is one whose face and characteristics I have known and been haunted with my entire life. I cringe at those stories where you may have someone talk about how it was so romantic he performed some crazy stunt or something and that means he really loved me. he impressed me because he wanted to fuck me so badly he did whatever. The only legitimate relationships exist on the basis of deep personal connections. I will admit that there are these things, these unspoken forces/energies, subconscious characteristics that draw people and connect people. Those are the things that really matter. People get into relationships for foolish reasons then have to get counseling or make some extraordinary efforts to force the relationship to work. There are those who will talk about arranged marriages and how successful they are. What they fail to mention are the facts that in such cultures it is not hey I marry you and we live a wonderful adventure getting to know each other, it is our families arranged for us to represent them in this business arrangement and they will be around here routinely to insure that we are not failing them. marriage is a business contract. It has nothing to do with love. All you need to love someone is to learn about and discover who that person is and then find that they have all the pieces that will inspire you to love that person. Nothing else is necessary. You need a legal contract to run a business, exchange products and services. Love does not need the intrusion of governments or religion. Yet somehow most everyone feels it does. In some cultures in the middle east before marriage the women have the men buy them expensive jewelry in case he divorces her then she can sell the jewelry and will have money to live. If you end a marriage it is not we are just not in love any more good bye. It is lets have a court dissolution of a contract registered with the state and see who gets what property and money. The only reason that I support gay marriage, well I do not support arbitrary hate and rules. But the reason in this context is that their love is not considered valid without it. society decided without these ridiculous rules they cannot be considered a family. You cannot call people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other a family and allow them the right to be unless they fulfill these rules and laws that have nothing to do with really being a family. They have everything to do with others trying to control others for the sake of control and forcing others to conform to the values they have decided are right because those values make them feel better about their pains and insecurities. In general religion and those who attempt to force their values on others or remove the privileges of others have severe emotional/psychological damage they are trying to cope with. basically I am a wounded selfish child, I hurt so I am going to take it out on everyone else. I am going to project my pain on everyone else so they can be just like me. Real love just is, and should be allowed to just be. Who you love and how you want to share your life with is no one's business except yours and who you choose to share it with. There are no limits, there are no rules. Anyone who says that there are and things are supposed to be this way are likely just weak small people full of fear and insecurity trying to force others to be like them so they can feel safe because no one else matters except them and their feelings. I don't care about anyone else. I don't care about anyone else's feelings. if you are important to me then You and your feelings matter to me. Everyone else has no reason to exist as far as I am concerned. Anyone who tries to force me to conform to the rules and values that they insist on will never be able to feel happiness again. That is the only promise I will ever make to anyone.
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You are amazing.