endquire

What I can personally understand exceeds what I may be able to explain to others. I feel very badly about that. I cannot explain what is going on inside me, but I try when it is important. Scotchie dying has been quite a horrible thing. It was the second ferret that I had with my ex that has died within the past year. All that is left is Fang. Fang was my baby. Now, well both mitten and tank are my babies, but mitten is my little girl. She is trouble and she was missing a few weeks ago. My self control was all that allowed me to keep thinking and looking instead of collapsing in tears. She always comes running to the fridge to get her dried cranberries from me. She always makes me so happy when I see her. She is always causing trouble and making a mess. She is knocking everythign off of my coffee table right now. She is looking for candy or plastic. No matter what she does, she is so cute it makes me smile. I do not know what is going on in my head. It seems like everything is getting faster. I am creating more, faster, too fast. My body cannot keep up with it. I need someone to sit and record while I close my eyes and focus. I have so much to do. so much to figure out. I have been spending a lot of time with my sisters. Especially the one I like. She is going to help me clean my apartment. She brought me a large bottle of evan williams. My ferrets used to be hers. We sometimes hit each other a lot. At least until she realizes that I am still bigger and stronger than she is, then she gives up and runs away. At least she doesn't wear all those rings any more. It is all in good fun. If it was for real we would probably kill each other as we came so close to so many times in our youth. We are not people that should be angered. She got divorced recently so I got her this thing called THE EX for christmas. It is a set of kitchen knives the come with a knife block in the shape of a person. I got it in white as she says she has to many red things and her new furniture is white. I also got her some cookbooks, one of which I think is the mexican cookbook that she lost. I am sure she blames me for it. She tried to steal mine. Which I may get to use. We have been doing these sorts of theme food nights. My sisters, the others husband and my friend. First it was a chili night and then italian night. It is always fun. Although my youngest sister is only tolerable in small doses and more so when she hasn't been drinking. It is charming how the people who make the most insane ridiculously stupid decisions are the most assertively self righteous. I stupidly do not give up on her. I always try to help her and encourage her in things. Despite how it always ends up with some sort of slap in the face, or punch if she has been drinking. I loan her stuff because I think she and her husband will enjoy it. I can trust her husband with things, at least more so than her. My mother and middle sister both laugh at me for doing so. It is not that they do not do things for her and her baby. It is just that they do not give her things they hope to get back to her. It is funny that my youngest sister and I share more interests yet we do not get along as well. My other sister and I share almost no interests yet we get along perfectly. Some how above all my mother still refuses to admit that I am her favorite.

I cannot remember any of the stories I started today. I cannot remember any of the thoughts I had. Their was so much I wanted to remember. I really do all of my thinking in the moment so it largely goes as fast as it comes. I need a new job.

Absolutely nothing surprises me. Although I am quite easily startled. I have run out of time to write.

I will say this though. The list of wealthiest fictional characters was released. Last years number one was left off. Last year is was Santa Claus because he in theory has infinite wealth so do his thing. The compilers of the list took him off this year because after last years list they got so many complaints about santa claus being considered a fictional character. The average human adult is the crushing humiliation of humanity. Hell, just the fact that all of the investigators into cattle mutilations for all these years failed to realize that it was just insect activity. 99% of the world is not that difficult to figure out. Just do that damn job right and it is obvious. 55% of adult americans think that revelations is how the world is going to end. I do not even have time to start yelling about the ridiculous crap ariel levy is peddling. I should write a book about what is blatanly obvious and then pretend I was astonished to find this because it challenged my preconcieved notions. The extent to which people who will assert their open mindedness will make it clear that all their views are closed, narrow and short sighted is also upsetting.