endlessly

So, for the past few weeks I've been hanging on to hope that she might call and tell me she's coming back and we're going to start on all the plans we made. Well, I finally got her to communicate with me today (by email, which I hated but it's all I could get) and she told me what I knew deep inside but wouldn't admit to myself. It hurts like hell, and though I know I didn't do anything wrong except fall in love with the wrong woman (again), I can't help but doubt my actions and question myself. It's good to finally have resolution to all this mess, but it doesn't change the fact that I love her and her daughter so much I would gladly give my life for their's. So, I am going to try and pick myself up again and start over. Though, I'm not going to just start looking for love again. I wasn't looking for it when I found her, I just liked her and wanted to hang out. But I do need to start myself over and find that "fire" that I used to have. I want to have a family and know that the fire I used to have in me will bring that about for me and it will protect and love that family. So, I need to find my fire. Right now, I have no fire. I'm not even smoking. I'm just drifting along and can't really feel anything. But I have hope that I will be able to feel again someday and will just wait for that day to come. Until then.................... shit, I don't know. I guess I'll just keep going to work. Later guys.