endlessly

I DO NOT want to become a cold-hearted womanizer, but the world is pushing me that way. All I am repeatedly inundated with is repeated examples of how if you treat a woman with respect and consideration you will politely get shown the door. However, if you ignore and disrepect a woman you will have her utmost attention. I cannot any longer ignore the fact that (so it seems) most women will respond much better to you if simply tell them what to do and when to do it. Case in point: This weekend. With all the going's on of this weekend I told myself I was just going to have a good time with my boys and not pay much attention to the opposite sex. So, when little-Ms.-what's-her-name asked me to get her cigarettes for her and I told her to "get them (her) damned self," she suddenly started paying attention to me. And when "Amy" came up to me to tell me what the plans were and I snapped my fingers at her to be quiet cuz I was talking to my dad on the phone she suddenly became nicer, and even flirty.

I don't want to date a woman I don't respect and I certainly won't consider anything long-term with one. But when all I see of women is that they prefer to be told what to do and how to do it and that you are in charge, I find my foundations starting to give. And I fucking hate that. I fucking hate that there are apparently no women out there any longer with enough self-respect to tell sexist bastards (like my friends) to go fuck themselves if they will not show them the proper respect. And I fucking hate that it seems I no longer have any choice in the matter. If I really want to have a family (which I do) that I'm just going to have to settle for some chick who wants me to tell her what to do on a daily basis.

I once believed in love. I once believed in equality. I once believed in the idea that if you truly believed you would find what you are looking for.........


..............and then I woke up alone after being promised all of that. Fuck it all I guess. And fuck you if you have no idea what I'm talking about.