I hate to continue pissing and moaning about bitchy things like this, but I'm gonna. I need to vent.
In January an old friend of mine's boyfriend broke up with her. I found out soon after and asked her about it and she said she was okay. Come end of February she emails me saying it finally hit her and she's not okay. I call her and she's in tears within seconds. After that I have spoken to her on the phone almost everyday (except during training) since then. I have talked to her late at night, during the day, listened to her fall asleep on the phone and done whatever I had to make her laugh and feel better about herself and hopefully see what a total scumbag this guy was. Let me explain that.
Apparently this wonderful guy that she loved so much broke with her because she went on a trip to California that a friend of her's (a guy) invited her on. Now, I know this other guy and she has no interest in him whatsoever. However, her boyfriend (at the time) blew it all out of proportions and finally ended the relationship stating he didn't trust her. Now, this guy is a real piece of work. It seems that during their relationship, when it was good, he convinced her to switch schools to be closer to him, switch majors cuz hers was not practical to the world, tutor him quite often, and, oh let's not forget, convinced her to get on medication cuz she was.................... too happy??????? Seriously, her smile and laughter are infectious. She's amazing.
So let's now get to my obvious point. When I first met this girl I immediately fell for her but I was in a relationship and was honorable and able to just be friends with her. And when all this started in February I told myself I wasn't going to become interested in her because of the situation and the distance between us, and a bunch of other reasons. Hell, one of the reasons she turned to me during this was because I turned to her last year for the same thing. I knew I had to be a man for her about this.
Anyway, I did real well with that until about a month ago. She had been talking about moving away and had even mentioned moving down here. She called me all the time, she was getting better and I started to see possibility. Hell, what I really thought to myself was, "maybe the reason I didn't get married last year was because I was supposed to be with this girl!" Yeah, I actually believed in fate there for a moment. Funny!
So, she came down and visited me this weekend past and we had a pretty good time. Everyone I asked about it (and I asked a few people cuz I was nervous) told me that she wouldn't be doing all this if she wasn't at least a little interested in me. So I told myself I was going to tell her how I felt.
Well, I was a gentleman about it and basically just told her that I was "there" for her if she was interested. I didn't want to press the matter cuz she's still pretty hung up on the asshole.
She basically shot me down cold. But in a nice way, she's very nice after all.
Admittedly I am more jaded and emotionless than ever before, but I am not bitter. I do not blame her for any reason, she was just hoping to have a good time with a friend this weekend and I got all mushy on her. Idiot. The one thing that really infuriates me is that she has told me about other guys she has kinda tried to move on with AND THEY'RE ALL ASSHOLES!!! What the fuck???
Why is it that the really great girls (she is REALLY great) fall for assholes and us nice-guys who will honestly love and respect those women get the friendly pat on the back. Understand why I am becoming more and more free of emotion and feeling?? I'm sick of this shit!! I try and try and have nothing to show for it but photographs and self-doubt. I know for a fact that if I was an asshole I'd have girls all over me. Shallow, riddled-with-issues girls, but girls nonetheless. But no, I want to fall in love and start a family and what woman in her right mind wants that shit??
Anyway, no need to comment here. I just needed to vent. I hate that so many guys I work with are such incredible womanizers and they have women all over them. I want to believe that I really will meet that person who will make it all worthwhile, be everything that I had hoped for, but all can honestly see in my future is just meeting someone and having to face the fact that this is as good as it's going to get. That all I have is me and to just be selfish. I'm 31 folks and I feel that I had my chance to find love. From here on I just need to be an adult and realize that love doesn't truly exist and if I want a family I just neet to find someone else who does too. If love did exist my fiance wouldn't have left me, or this girl would have felt something for me too.
I'm rambling, fuck it.
In January an old friend of mine's boyfriend broke up with her. I found out soon after and asked her about it and she said she was okay. Come end of February she emails me saying it finally hit her and she's not okay. I call her and she's in tears within seconds. After that I have spoken to her on the phone almost everyday (except during training) since then. I have talked to her late at night, during the day, listened to her fall asleep on the phone and done whatever I had to make her laugh and feel better about herself and hopefully see what a total scumbag this guy was. Let me explain that.
Apparently this wonderful guy that she loved so much broke with her because she went on a trip to California that a friend of her's (a guy) invited her on. Now, I know this other guy and she has no interest in him whatsoever. However, her boyfriend (at the time) blew it all out of proportions and finally ended the relationship stating he didn't trust her. Now, this guy is a real piece of work. It seems that during their relationship, when it was good, he convinced her to switch schools to be closer to him, switch majors cuz hers was not practical to the world, tutor him quite often, and, oh let's not forget, convinced her to get on medication cuz she was.................... too happy??????? Seriously, her smile and laughter are infectious. She's amazing.
So let's now get to my obvious point. When I first met this girl I immediately fell for her but I was in a relationship and was honorable and able to just be friends with her. And when all this started in February I told myself I wasn't going to become interested in her because of the situation and the distance between us, and a bunch of other reasons. Hell, one of the reasons she turned to me during this was because I turned to her last year for the same thing. I knew I had to be a man for her about this.
Anyway, I did real well with that until about a month ago. She had been talking about moving away and had even mentioned moving down here. She called me all the time, she was getting better and I started to see possibility. Hell, what I really thought to myself was, "maybe the reason I didn't get married last year was because I was supposed to be with this girl!" Yeah, I actually believed in fate there for a moment. Funny!
So, she came down and visited me this weekend past and we had a pretty good time. Everyone I asked about it (and I asked a few people cuz I was nervous) told me that she wouldn't be doing all this if she wasn't at least a little interested in me. So I told myself I was going to tell her how I felt.
Well, I was a gentleman about it and basically just told her that I was "there" for her if she was interested. I didn't want to press the matter cuz she's still pretty hung up on the asshole.
She basically shot me down cold. But in a nice way, she's very nice after all.
Admittedly I am more jaded and emotionless than ever before, but I am not bitter. I do not blame her for any reason, she was just hoping to have a good time with a friend this weekend and I got all mushy on her. Idiot. The one thing that really infuriates me is that she has told me about other guys she has kinda tried to move on with AND THEY'RE ALL ASSHOLES!!! What the fuck???
Why is it that the really great girls (she is REALLY great) fall for assholes and us nice-guys who will honestly love and respect those women get the friendly pat on the back. Understand why I am becoming more and more free of emotion and feeling?? I'm sick of this shit!! I try and try and have nothing to show for it but photographs and self-doubt. I know for a fact that if I was an asshole I'd have girls all over me. Shallow, riddled-with-issues girls, but girls nonetheless. But no, I want to fall in love and start a family and what woman in her right mind wants that shit??
Anyway, no need to comment here. I just needed to vent. I hate that so many guys I work with are such incredible womanizers and they have women all over them. I want to believe that I really will meet that person who will make it all worthwhile, be everything that I had hoped for, but all can honestly see in my future is just meeting someone and having to face the fact that this is as good as it's going to get. That all I have is me and to just be selfish. I'm 31 folks and I feel that I had my chance to find love. From here on I just need to be an adult and realize that love doesn't truly exist and if I want a family I just neet to find someone else who does too. If love did exist my fiance wouldn't have left me, or this girl would have felt something for me too.
I'm rambling, fuck it.
im just kidding.
when life hands you lemons, throw them at the assholes and make butt lemonade.