endlessly

I know that there's probably a disconnect between what you know in your head and what you feel inside, but I think that the impulse to throw yourself into your work to get a promotion (from an earlier entry) is a good one. If you're like myself and others who have experienced something at least somewhat silimar, you may find that the next few months could be extremely productive, work-wise, and could consequently improve your circumstances (finances, accruing paid time off, etc.) for when you are ready to go out again. In the meantime, you have something to preoccupy you.

I know that that's little consolation right now, and I don't take what you're going through lightly. It's devastating -- not only the loss of this person but of the whole future you had together, along with everything that comes with that. But I also think that you know whatever it is that you need to do, and that you just need to find the strength to do it over the course of the days and weeks ahead. For that, all I can advise is that you go slowly and take as much time as you need.