endlessly

So the infamous day has finally arrived, and I started drinking about an hour after waking up. Fuck it, today is just going to be about being drunk all freaking day. Oh, and the World Cup.

I tried to start the whole drunk-fest off last night with some beer, pizza and movies. Rented 'Jarhead.' Will anything ever again not remind me of her. I saw this when it came out and didn't pay attention to the whole intimate betrayel thing, I was with her and completely happy. But last night I about broke down as I watched my life being played on television. Much of what I saw has already happened to me, and much of it I still have to look forward to. Yay!

Tried to watch 'Hostel' after but just wasn't into it. So I watched 'Nightmare Before Christmas,' again. Love that movie. Hopeless romantic at heart who believes in happy endings. Unfortunately the world just doesn't work that way.

Wish I could say I'm doing so well handling things and that I'm starting to recover, but I just don't want to lie. I'll never be the same, and I'll probably never trust anyone enough again to take a chance. But, in reality, I just don't want to. I want her, now and forever. I love you baby. I wish we were together with our families today. I wish so many things right now, but I guess the only thing I can really wish for is that whatever you do you're happy. I'm sorry.