So I'm in Chessapeake, OH house-sitting for a friend and have had trouble finding a computer to use. Finally find one today and I've got two messages from people looking out for me telling me to cheer up. I must thank these people again simply for being such kind souls to take the time to look out for a complete stranger. That must truly be the mark of a good person.
This week has proven to be considerably harder than I hoped it would be. As the day I was supposed to get married on rapidly approaches I find myself sitting alone in a house that is not mine in a city I don't know. Beer, cigarettes and television are pretty much my only friends right now because the one guy I know who lives near here works a ton and the cats don't really like me. I have looked at the photo album I finally completed of pictures of her/us more times than I care to admit. Sometimes it's really difficult to look at those pictures and think it was not very long ago that she swore she would love me forever; she told me this many times before the engagement and after. I wrote a thread last week about all the things that I miss about her. I've only thought of about a billion more things since then but I won't get into that now.
I don't know what to say other than I hope I'm able to find my strength again one day. Since coming here it seems I've had a relapse and I was actually looking online earlier for plane tickets back out to Hawaii so I could be near her or the place we were supposed to get married on the day we were supposed to. Thought I might call her up and see if she wanted to go out to dinner. But the cheapest ticket I could find was $1500 so I had to talk myself out of it. I could afford the ticket but then I'd be pretty much broke and forced to do something I don't want to do. No, not that sicko.
I text-ed her Monday night telling her I missed her so much I couldn't stand it. She responded by saying I just had to do my best everyday, but I had to accept this. My response? Of course I told her that I couldn't. Nothing says strength like that, huh? It's much easier for her move on because she moved straight on to someone else. I still can't believe that, I never thought it could happen. But I asked her to marry me because I'm certain she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure that out. Now, I just have to get used to life alone, pretty much the rest of my life. It may be defeatist but I can't imagine being with anyone else ever again, or anyone else ever making as happy as she did. Yes, pathetic, but I never knew true love or complete happiness until her. Finding someone else in this world who makes me feel that way is not something I expect to happen, so I'm prepared for what I see as my future. Just another lonely Army guy who fucked up his one shot at true happiness. Thanks for reading.
This week has proven to be considerably harder than I hoped it would be. As the day I was supposed to get married on rapidly approaches I find myself sitting alone in a house that is not mine in a city I don't know. Beer, cigarettes and television are pretty much my only friends right now because the one guy I know who lives near here works a ton and the cats don't really like me. I have looked at the photo album I finally completed of pictures of her/us more times than I care to admit. Sometimes it's really difficult to look at those pictures and think it was not very long ago that she swore she would love me forever; she told me this many times before the engagement and after. I wrote a thread last week about all the things that I miss about her. I've only thought of about a billion more things since then but I won't get into that now.
I don't know what to say other than I hope I'm able to find my strength again one day. Since coming here it seems I've had a relapse and I was actually looking online earlier for plane tickets back out to Hawaii so I could be near her or the place we were supposed to get married on the day we were supposed to. Thought I might call her up and see if she wanted to go out to dinner. But the cheapest ticket I could find was $1500 so I had to talk myself out of it. I could afford the ticket but then I'd be pretty much broke and forced to do something I don't want to do. No, not that sicko.
I text-ed her Monday night telling her I missed her so much I couldn't stand it. She responded by saying I just had to do my best everyday, but I had to accept this. My response? Of course I told her that I couldn't. Nothing says strength like that, huh? It's much easier for her move on because she moved straight on to someone else. I still can't believe that, I never thought it could happen. But I asked her to marry me because I'm certain she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure that out. Now, I just have to get used to life alone, pretty much the rest of my life. It may be defeatist but I can't imagine being with anyone else ever again, or anyone else ever making as happy as she did. Yes, pathetic, but I never knew true love or complete happiness until her. Finding someone else in this world who makes me feel that way is not something I expect to happen, so I'm prepared for what I see as my future. Just another lonely Army guy who fucked up his one shot at true happiness. Thanks for reading.
I never knew true love or complete happiness until her. Finding someone else in this world who makes me feel that way is not something I expect to happen.
A friend of mine once told me, You never expect to find a woman that makes you feel like that. You didnt expect to find Nim (my ex) and you wont expect to find the next one. Expecting something will only set you up for disappointment, so dont expect it. Just remember that anything is possible, and one day you may find what you lost.
Looking back it was some of the best advice Ive ever received.
Then again I also remember that it doesnt make it hurt any less