endlessly

I want to start over.

Help me. I've been doing really well, but I want to write her and tell her how much I miss her. Even though I've spent the past week realizing how crappy she was to me. Damn.

Okay, my little sister (an old friend of mine) just sent me these. The first few are very funny. The last one broke me the hell up. You've been warned.

Neg and Urban Sprinting


Bad Banana


The Peanuts gang does Misery

And lastly, Connie. I wash pushing back the.............. emotions.



Okay, you tell me she wasn't amazing and I'll call you a cold, cold bastard....
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So, for the past few weeks I've been hanging on to hope that she might call and tell me she's coming back and we're going to start on all the plans we made. Well, I finally got her to communicate with me today (by email, which I hated but it's all I could get) and she told me what I knew deep inside but wouldn't...
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Had a mountain bike race today. Not too bad, finished 5th. It was fun. Be in Mississippi next weekend for fights and there might be another race in a couple of weeks. Laters.

Okay, I need to stay off of my computer when I'm drunk. Only problem with that is, I've been drunk a lot lately. Pay me no mind. I'm fine. I'm just not dealing with this very well. I'll be fine.

I have tried so hard but to no avail. This is who I am and who I will forever be. You have but one love of your life. You either accept it and move on or torture yourself the remainder of your existence. I don't know where I stand right now. All i know is I've been talking about her for the past five hours...
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Have you ever had an epiphone?? Just, suddenly, everything becomes so clear. All the questions you may have had, you suddenly know the answers. I don't know, it's kind of cool, kind of weird. But anyway, the sun came out right after I started feeling this and now I'm feeling pretty......................... good. Pretty darned good. I'm going to the gym.

Devil be damned.

Random, I know. I was trying to think of something to say on here and it just came out.

This must be a test. I have to be being tested here. I don't have a higher religious belief or anything of that nature, but some................ thing(!!!) must be testing me!! I say this because I feel tested. Just when I feel comfortable some new hurdle presents itself to me. And I'm being stretched very thin. Very thin. But.............. I have not broken yet. I...
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For those of you that don't know, I am going through a very bad break up right now. I have finally come to the realization that she left me because she felt obligated to do so. Obligated to someone else. Obligated to do what she feels is right. For this she is willing to sacrifice her happiness and what we had together. If it didn't...
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My true faults lie in that I am an idealist. I have no patience. I only see the positive. I am a dreamer. I am an adult and I need to grow the fuck up.