When she doesn't exist in reality, write her in fiction...Covenant Series, book six...
"Giving up on life was easy in that trailer in New Jersey. Handing it all over to David and not really thinking twice. I had fucked things up with Diana so long ago it was hard to remember just where it had all gone wrong. Losing her meant losing my son and my willingness to give up on him was the gateway to self-elimination I had been seeking out all along."
"Flash already tried to say it a few times, in his own way, and David never quite dropped that I told you so I had built up for, so, as that was as close to him saying it to. The thing is, no one owed me an apology, I didn’t ask for this and I’d reverse it in a heartbeat if I could, but what happened to me in that Jersey barn was the only thing that kept me from drinking myself to death in that trailer."
"I can’t make Annabelle the only reason I don’t try to do it here in New York."
"I also can’t make peace, not with what I am now, not with what I did back in Los Angeles, and sure as shit not with how easy it was for me to walk away from Archer. Men don’t abandon their kids, even my old man didn’t walk out, only into a bottle."
"Then again, I’m not a man, not just, not anymore. Now it isn’t about walking away from my kid, now, it’s about keeping him as far away from me as possible. Better he grows up thinking I chose a shiny suit and the bright lights over learning that I became a monster."
"Every time I try to convince myself that I don’t deserve happiness, a second chance, a life outside of this vigilante game, a life outside my consuming revenge against the animals like me, she calls or comes by."