emiloo

Hello all. I had a bad week. I was sick, exhausted, worked too much, saw Bob Dylan and was a little dissapointed, (had a horrible night besides,) got really mad at Nate for retarded shit and PMS'ing. Everything is ok now, besides being a little sick and on the rag. OH, and my dad is a lazy SELFISH bastard on top of all that. Well.

I deleted some people off my friends list. I hope no one is offended. I just don't have the time to be on here like I used to, and seeing all those names is a little intimidating, which makes me even less likely to update. So I just deleted the people I don't interact with as much.

I have so much stuff I want to get done, but I never seem to have the time, and when I do have the time I never have that time to myself, cuz my dad is a permanent fixture on our living room couch, which means the more time I spend at home the more he can nag me about everything, and bitch about the smallest things, so I try to be away from home as much as possible. It fucking sucks. I can't wait till Nate and I get our own place. Then I'll be able to feel comfortable in my own house and have someone I can relax and create with. There's going to be a lot of painting, watching movies, reading, sewing, drawing, musical/instrumental exploration, and SEX. Oh yes, and eating. And maybe one of us will work every now and then, haha. Ah, wouldn't it be bliss. Too bad life will undoubtedly interrupt and remind us that in today's society there is a thing called money that is necessary to survive, and the only way to acquire this money is through pointless labor under the command of some stuffy corporate assholes. But oh well, at least I'll be out of this house. I don't hate my dad, I just hate living with him. And when he's in my house, he can get his own damn glass of milk. Damnit, I want an evil-smiley emoticon!!!

I need to start eating healthy again. I've been eating a lot of over-processed shit, and more meat than usual, and my body is telling me it's not happy about it. And I need to start exercising more. It's weird, if I run even once a week it makes a noticeable difference in my body and how I carry myself. I don't even do that much anymore. I'd like to go running at least twice a week, and then just take lots of walks in between. I don't want to lose weight, I just hate feeling weak and out of shape. I don't look right when I lose weight anyway...my arms and waist shrink but my butt and legs stay the same, so I look weirdly unproportional. Now If I could just get it to go the other way around, I'd be quite pleased. Damn genetics! And damn u even more for mysteriously skipping over me in the boob area!

I still have $100 to blow on cds....maybe that's what I'll do today. And go for a bundled-up walk, cuz it's cooooold. I need to call some neglected friends, too. Right now though, it's random poem time! (Well, I already wrote it, but it was random at the time...?)

And then he said to me, "Fly,
For the ground is going to burn"
And I opened my bat wings and made wind
Out of water, no longer drowning
In self doubt I soared into open mind
Partly cloudy, with a slight chance of hesitance
Said "so long" to solid reason
And there it was, so clear in
Bird's eye view, judgements seem so small from up here
It is nothing...just a spec
And I was only a suspended cloud in the
Vast blue of it all
Floating on openness, seeing for the first time
The big picture....but not really so big