emi

When I was in 7th grade this girl Diana that was only dubiously my friend did a tarot reading for me. This is not to dispute or agree with tarot only to state the basis of my upcoming thoughts. Back then I was an awkward scrawny little thing with hardly any confidence at all. Boys didn't like me and neither did girls since I was just too lacking in the "cute" department. Anyway, she told me I would seek out docile boyfriends, ones I could dominate, ones that would do whatever I said. She told me I would become manipulative and learn to use my body to get what I want. Thank you Diana, for implanting those ideas into my subconcious and allowing them to actually happen, because they've helped me through many situations. However, I'm tired. I'm tired of being the strongest person I know. I'm so over demanding what I want and recieving it. I want to be sweet for once to get what I want. I want to be a damn girl not an intimidating slice of woman. This is not to say that I won't do what I have to do when I need to but only to acknowledge my desire to be something else if I wish. Fuck all the feminist bullshit, really, because behind the intelligent and formidable exterior, there's just a grown ass little girl still waiting for her white knight.

i <3 this song.
Can we try for right now, free of doubt.
If you give the chance I could try and figure out.
I'm kind of scared because I don't know how.
But I'm watching the close calls and catching my breath now.
There could be time when I'd fly away.
But you need to know that I'm coming back.
Don't want to push and pull anymore, just to get what I want, when you bring it all to me.

Reach out, you can go overboard if you want to.
In and out, don't lose control, don't lose control.
Just don't take it back.

And I get so close, but I runaway, I runaway.
The things I fear the most, keep me here to stay, but anyway...

Mae is the shit for lack of a better word.