I popped out yesterday at 11am to accomplish three things;
(1) buy vegetables
(2) have fringe cut
(3) buy present for sister
I did not manage to do any of the above but did get home at half past five this morning more utterly fucked than I have ever been in my entire life. I also returned home... Read More
Don't encourage me woman! For gods sake, the drink n'drugs n' pretty girls are vice's enough, i'll end up destitute and homeless, with great big fuckers looking to break my toes because 'their employer' is very unhappy!
Have a cracking new year lady! i'm sure you'll enjoy yourself!
Me i'm off to dress up as a ninja (or Biggles)!
"Paul Roberts. You know Paul ... shoulder length hair, wears a lot of jewellery, looks up a lot ... shops at Mothercare ... that's right ... Umpa lumpa"
It's my favourite night out of the year and I'm stuck at home ill ... and bored so decided to fill out that quiz thing that's going round ...
"You smell like meat and cheese ... you're not Santa"
I love the new 'Suicide Girls Steal Xmas' video. It is fucking excellent
I have sucessfully fucked up Christmas .. and it was unintentional!
I've been ill on and off for the last few months but have been tackling it with Jack Daniels and cigarettes. Apparentely this doesn't work and I am now quite ill.... Read More
*does a dance* .... And that's why I don't like cricket
I think it's safe to say that I have watched far too much Boosh this week. It occured to me last night when I realised that I had gone out dressed like an extra from Electro with fookin massive Vince Noir hair ... a look which apparentely works for me.
The hardcore Xmas drinking has begun. I had the pleasure of having dinner and drinks with ma famille last night and today I feel like death thanks to the hangover from hell. I hardly ever get hangovers and am less than appreciating this one. Had I gone straight home I'd have been fine but like the... Read More
You've been waiting to be rationing me since the day we met
So that's it. Xmas is over. All my shopping is now done, even down to the killer outfit for the Xmas Eve party. My tactic this year is to start out girlie (there are false eyelashes and a short skirt) in order to try and keep a certain standard. This is necessary due... Read More
The cradle of Partridge civilization. And just as good now, even though a scary amount of years have passed.
"How do words feel? How about long words? Do they feel different? What about significant words?"
My Christmas viewing is similar, except minus 'Elf' and with the addition of lots of the X Files (I've bought myself the box set: no one else would, you see.)
I'm bored of worrying about family and men and money and the such like so it can all just COCK RIGHT OFF. Shove all the problems up your unprotected anus then go fist fight a meerkat with a... Read More
Yeah but if they were black pajamas you could pretend to be a ninja, disappear into the background and spend the rest of the day stalking the smug fuckers with cranberry flavour throwing stars.
You take the lid off the gearknob and find a teste.
I think it's saaaad that people find it entertaining to read about people who call themselves things like "Stan the Stabber"who chops people's heads off in half, sets fire to their eyebrows and knocks peoples teeth out with a toffee hammer just because they couldn't repay a loan at a very uncompetititve rate of... Read More
there are some xmas decorations round my way that need to be destroyed. they've been up since halloween & it's highly irritating- fucking halloween! thats no-where near xmas!!! mind you, most of them in my street don't get turned on much now because the stupid red-necks can't afford the electric seeing as they've3 been on a month & a half
I may be retarded and I am a bastard but in my defense I've never buggered a goldfish.
They're really slippy but I bet if I ever managed it it'd be tight like whoa. Although even the biggest goldfish might be too small so I might have to staple two together.
Have a cracking new year lady! i'm sure you'll enjoy yourself!
Me i'm off to dress up as a ninja (or Biggles)!