elysia

"Now I've seen a lot of bullshit... angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photography involving tennis rackets... "
- Heathers



If there were actually such thing as the Tooth Fairy I would hunt the bitch down and kick her very hard in the twat. I'd quite like to the little one to get at least one tooth soon so that I can get some fucking sleep without being woken up every ten mintues.


Top five reasons why Blue Peter is a bag of wank:

(1) Blue Peter Badges
Ok, so they claim to hand out badges to kids who do good pictures, raise money, that sort of bollocks. Fair enough. But, have you actually ever met anyone who has a blue peter badge?
Nah, didn't think so. Statistically this has to prove that it is in fact some kind of conspiracy. I think the BBC may be using all the paper that is sent in with drawings and letters to build a bigger studio to fit Natasha kaplinsky's big fucking twat face in. Gah I fucking hate that stupid bitch with her eight year old choirboys haicut, vision express advert glasses and man hands*


*She may not in fact have man hands, it just got away from me a bit there ...

(2) The Appeals
The current one being the "Shoebiz" appeal, you send in shoes and they give kids in Malawi things to do. So what exactly have they done? They've been kind enough to erect outdoor play equipment for the children. Nice gesture, but I would like to point out the fundamental flaw with this plan - they've used old playground equipment that's made of metal. Back in the early 90's I remember many a day spent burning my arse on the slide in the local playing fields because the temperature in Britain had risen to a whole 22 degrees. Imagine what happens if you put said slide in Africa, and get a half naked child to slide down it. Why didn't they just ask for money instead of fucking shoes and actually do the job properly?

(3) The Presenters
They're just all so "wacky" aren't they? They have bizarre names like Gethin, and Connie with a K, there's always one that the dads want to fuck, and why is there always an Irish presenter? The one thing that they do all have in common is that they're gobshites. At least now it's clear what happens to all the people that don't get onto Big Brother. What a bunch of empty toilet roll using, shoe collecting, get your mum to save the washing up liquid bottle encouraging, African child burning, arse raping cunt munchers.

(4) Oh fuck it, I'm off to bed, you're only getting three



All I have to add is that the sight of Jeremy Clarkson pulling up to a camp fire with a dead cow on the roof of his car is an image that will amuse me for many years to come. I ♥ Top Gear.

I will start being more sociable soon I'm sure



"I like it. It's got that what-a-cruel-world-let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience"



On the subject of friends requests;