Birthing classes started this week. Having taken my mother for support we managed to spend the whole hour and a half in hysterics at my ridiculous midwife and her knitted vagina. Phrases such as "Janine, put that hip bone away", "It really will go back to normal afterwards" and "don't worry if you do a poo" were used. I just can't wait for next week ...
Top three things about impending motherhood
(1) The 4D scan
Easily the most surreal and amazing experience of my life. Surreal in that the 4D studio was situated in someones house, in their living room and the sonographer was some weird foreign guy in a suit. Amazing in that I finally got to almost meet my daughter;
It has already been decided that she has my lips and my nose. As the genetics of the impregnator .... well, she's a girl, which is an uncanny resemblance to him.
I now have a DVD of her playing peek-a-boo, smiling for the camera, pulling her ear, pointing to her nose and sticking her tongue out. Just like me after a few drinks then ...
(2) The awesome clothes
I swear that if anyone had bought anything else in fucking cream I'd have gone on a kill crazy rampage. Not that I am attempting to influence my daughter in any way at all by buying this;
I sincerely hope that she has a sense of humour for when she looks back at photos, and sees herself wearing one of these.
(3) Work can just fuck right off
They didnt exactly take my emergency last week seriously. Im still not great this week so my doctor has signed me off for a week. Ha fucking ha. To be fair, had they not stressed me out then my blood pressure would be fine which would be one less bad symptom to worry about. Nevertheless, they can enjoy paying me to take it easy this week at home looking after myself and my little madam. Spin on that you energy providing anally retentive big nosed butch bitch bastards.
"You're panting like a dog, keep panting like a dog, there you go"
