Today we're talking about what people would look like in the future.
Did you know that crabsticks do not actually contain any crab, and from 1993 manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them crab-flavoured sticks.
I've been trying to decide what to get everyone for Xmas. I'm thinking about chocolate oranges. I may give them to all the ladies I know aged fifty and under. Over fifty just seems sarcastic. Mind you, I can't talk, I've got a fat back. It's a build up of fatty deposits just above the belt-line. It's fairly well-concealed in casual clothing, but you don't want to see me in my underpants!
They've rebadged it you fool.
Oh, quick tip. You know the breakfast buffet? Eat as much as you like, but from an eight inch plate? See that? Twelve inches ... keep it in my room
I supposs if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages t my fingers. Probably survive a couple of break-ins before they started to fall apart.
Would you like me to lapdance for you ... my thong is vulcanised rubber, which means it won't perish.
It looks a little like death row, doesnt it? Im sorry, Mr. Hawk. Youre pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of pre-meditated homicide of a mouse, and youll be hanged by the neck until dead. And dont try to hover up so that the rope goes slack. Because they could do that, couldnt they? If you tried to hang a hawk, they could always hover so the rope went slack. So, I suppose if you were going to execute a bird of prey the most human way would be death by firing squad
You can always get me something of equivalent value. A pint of bitter, big marker pen, whatever
This is a romantic tribute [band begins to play Close To You by the Carpenters] to a lovely lady over there with orange hair and a cigarette in her mouth. [Sings] Why do birds [struggles to reach the high note] suddenly appear - Thats too high - Every time every time time, you are near [an octave lower] near? Just like me [an octave higher] just like me they long to be[lower again] close to you[tries various notes] why dowhy do why dono thats not working. [Places the microphone back on the stand]. Well you get the general idea. Thank you
Lynn if my mobiles switched off its switched off for a reason. I was at an owl sanctuary. I was worried that the ringing may have sounded like a mating call. I cant have a bird trying to have sex with my phone. Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan?
Mousse from a bowl is very nice, but to put it on a person is demented!
Somebody slap me please, I may be experiencing emotion
Can someone please explain to me why I always fall for the wrong people? The winner can have a copy of my excellent book "Bouncing back". It's been described as 'lovely stuff'. Not my words reader, the words of Shakin Stevens.
Did you know that crabsticks do not actually contain any crab, and from 1993 manufacturers have been legally obliged to label them crab-flavoured sticks.
I've been trying to decide what to get everyone for Xmas. I'm thinking about chocolate oranges. I may give them to all the ladies I know aged fifty and under. Over fifty just seems sarcastic. Mind you, I can't talk, I've got a fat back. It's a build up of fatty deposits just above the belt-line. It's fairly well-concealed in casual clothing, but you don't want to see me in my underpants!
They've rebadged it you fool.
Oh, quick tip. You know the breakfast buffet? Eat as much as you like, but from an eight inch plate? See that? Twelve inches ... keep it in my room
I supposs if I was a burglar and I wanted to avoid detection I could strap sausages t my fingers. Probably survive a couple of break-ins before they started to fall apart.
Would you like me to lapdance for you ... my thong is vulcanised rubber, which means it won't perish.
It looks a little like death row, doesnt it? Im sorry, Mr. Hawk. Youre pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of pre-meditated homicide of a mouse, and youll be hanged by the neck until dead. And dont try to hover up so that the rope goes slack. Because they could do that, couldnt they? If you tried to hang a hawk, they could always hover so the rope went slack. So, I suppose if you were going to execute a bird of prey the most human way would be death by firing squad
You can always get me something of equivalent value. A pint of bitter, big marker pen, whatever
This is a romantic tribute [band begins to play Close To You by the Carpenters] to a lovely lady over there with orange hair and a cigarette in her mouth. [Sings] Why do birds [struggles to reach the high note] suddenly appear - Thats too high - Every time every time time, you are near [an octave lower] near? Just like me [an octave higher] just like me they long to be[lower again] close to you[tries various notes] why dowhy do why dono thats not working. [Places the microphone back on the stand]. Well you get the general idea. Thank you
Lynn if my mobiles switched off its switched off for a reason. I was at an owl sanctuary. I was worried that the ringing may have sounded like a mating call. I cant have a bird trying to have sex with my phone. Why are you wearing that snazzy cardigan?
Mousse from a bowl is very nice, but to put it on a person is demented!
Somebody slap me please, I may be experiencing emotion
Can someone please explain to me why I always fall for the wrong people? The winner can have a copy of my excellent book "Bouncing back". It's been described as 'lovely stuff'. Not my words reader, the words of Shakin Stevens.
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Last night an amazing thing happened. It is impossible to describe, but I honestly felt like I was jumping off a 30 foot cliff. It involved running toward this cliff, jumping off and being caught by an invisible fence. You have to try to believe. It only works at night.