Meh. A mere hours sleep. Meh.
*Hands shaking like Judy Finnegan whenever they do the wine club on Richard & Judy*
My family seem to be launching some kind of hostile take over of my life this week. Three family members who don't get along = three separate days of visits. At least I get free dinner. Do they not realise we live over 40 miles apart for a reason?
Last nights film of choice was Falling Down. Which got me thinking.
Top 5 things i'd do if I were to have a PSYCHO falling down kinda day;
(1) Starting the day with nothing but a small pink handbag containing only the bare essentials as a weapon. Get on the bus and have a fight with the driver who's trying to charge me 1.20 to go about 5 stops into town. Wave handbag round like a loon destroying ticket machine, convincing driver to lower all bus prices. Batter annoying pervy old man on the bus around the legs a bit and steal walking stick to upgrade weapon.
(2) Weapon upgraded to handbag & walking stick Find random guitar guy that busks in the city centre who plays appalling guitar and bugged me for months to give him a gig. Beat him with the walking stick while encouraging him to give up guitar and buy a penny whistle as he fucking sucks. Give him money for penny whistle or some kind of Early Learning Centre musical instrument. Steal guitar as weapon.
(3) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, guitar Go to UGC cinemas and demand that they initiate a scheme whereby if a film is shit you can have your money back. Wave stick, handbag around head moves and play some awesome guitar. Get my refund for the money I paid out to see Saw 2 today. Pay for popcorn to use as weapon.
(4) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, guitar, popcorn. Go to the pub I used to work in, seek out whoever has been booking the bands since I left. Throw popcorn in the eyes of the bad bad person. Show them a list of phone numbers of DECENT bands. Smash guitar over bar to prove a point ... not sure what point that is yet ... nevermind. Pay for sambuca as new weapon.
(5) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, Sambuca March down to council tax office. Demand to see idiot that keeps sending me letters about this ridiculous bill. Argue that all services apparentely paid for by council tax suck a big dogs cock. Make large gestures with walking stick to prove a point. Ask to see the file room. Douse with Sambuca and set alight with Zippo cos I'm cool like that. Light cigarette from burning c/tax files. Obviously. Leave
I get paid on Wednesday and seriously need some TLC from a bottle of Jack and some amusing banter with friends. Will have to wait til Thursday. Dammit.
Also trying to decide whether can fit a day out in Manchester into my manic week to go see a film they're not showing anywhere in Nottm. A-holes.
The man Mr Partridge says;
"You look awfully cheery on the first anniversary of your mothers death"
*Hands shaking like Judy Finnegan whenever they do the wine club on Richard & Judy*
My family seem to be launching some kind of hostile take over of my life this week. Three family members who don't get along = three separate days of visits. At least I get free dinner. Do they not realise we live over 40 miles apart for a reason?
Last nights film of choice was Falling Down. Which got me thinking.
Top 5 things i'd do if I were to have a PSYCHO falling down kinda day;
(1) Starting the day with nothing but a small pink handbag containing only the bare essentials as a weapon. Get on the bus and have a fight with the driver who's trying to charge me 1.20 to go about 5 stops into town. Wave handbag round like a loon destroying ticket machine, convincing driver to lower all bus prices. Batter annoying pervy old man on the bus around the legs a bit and steal walking stick to upgrade weapon.
(2) Weapon upgraded to handbag & walking stick Find random guitar guy that busks in the city centre who plays appalling guitar and bugged me for months to give him a gig. Beat him with the walking stick while encouraging him to give up guitar and buy a penny whistle as he fucking sucks. Give him money for penny whistle or some kind of Early Learning Centre musical instrument. Steal guitar as weapon.
(3) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, guitar Go to UGC cinemas and demand that they initiate a scheme whereby if a film is shit you can have your money back. Wave stick, handbag around head moves and play some awesome guitar. Get my refund for the money I paid out to see Saw 2 today. Pay for popcorn to use as weapon.
(4) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, guitar, popcorn. Go to the pub I used to work in, seek out whoever has been booking the bands since I left. Throw popcorn in the eyes of the bad bad person. Show them a list of phone numbers of DECENT bands. Smash guitar over bar to prove a point ... not sure what point that is yet ... nevermind. Pay for sambuca as new weapon.
(5) Weapons arsenal; handbag, walking stick, Sambuca March down to council tax office. Demand to see idiot that keeps sending me letters about this ridiculous bill. Argue that all services apparentely paid for by council tax suck a big dogs cock. Make large gestures with walking stick to prove a point. Ask to see the file room. Douse with Sambuca and set alight with Zippo cos I'm cool like that. Light cigarette from burning c/tax files. Obviously. Leave
I get paid on Wednesday and seriously need some TLC from a bottle of Jack and some amusing banter with friends. Will have to wait til Thursday. Dammit.
Also trying to decide whether can fit a day out in Manchester into my manic week to go see a film they're not showing anywhere in Nottm. A-holes.
The man Mr Partridge says;
"You look awfully cheery on the first anniversary of your mothers death"
VIEW 25 of 36 COMMENTS
We are due
Its becoming quite a close competition between us its all tied at 1-1 in the I want to be alone and cant talk right now stakes.
No apologies needed.