Take one empty stomach (preferably empty for a good 36hrs or so) and add in the following liquid ingredients (in multiple measures of each);
Strongbow, Guinness, WKD Blue, Spiced Rum, Bombay Sapphire, Desperados, Black Sambuca, Chocolate Schnapps, random bottled french cider, Carling.
Side effects include nausea, dizziness, stupidity, the inability to stand, speech impedements, and some believe the ability to fly.
You know it's been a good night when;
♥ You have to text your best friend with the words 'are you alive' the next day
♥ You go into Bar Schnapps and are actually more fucked than the staff are
♥ You get phone calls from friends the next morning asking you if you know details from the previous night (unexplained bruising, how they got home etc etc)
♥ You manage to get hilarious "i'm a stand up comedian" tramp to sing happy birthday to your friend
I hate birthday nights out. Last night had been (or so i thought) a pretty safe night out. Trainers on so as to not get dragged to trendy shitholes, a mere 30 for the evenings liquid entertainment and the safety of Sunday licensing hours. I just seem to attract trouble.
Amusing anecdote from last week .... two friends of mine had woken up last monday, as had my good self, to find rude dawbings on their arms. Kieran had the words 'Mike loves my ass' and Rob had 'Mike bums boys'. After I had left for the evening everyone ended up in the casino. For a change. No really.
It had taken them a few hours to work out why the dealer was giving them such funny looks. It was then that they realised that both being in short sleeve shirts of a certain length and with the order in which they were sitting they were sending an unknown message to the dealer;
"my ass .... bums boys".
Fantastic. I had to surrender my eyeliner at the start of the evening.
Annoyances of the day;
(1) Receptionnists at hairdressers that are mentally incapable of correctly booking appointments. May have been caused by too many styling products close to the skull. Having FULLY explained what needed doing to my hair they booked me in for a three hour cut & colour session. Six and a half hours later and my hair has not so much as seen a pair of scissors yet. Fucking pompous 'ooohh we work for Toni & Guy so we think we're fucking great', sit on their bony arses at a desk filing their nails, spend too much time looking in the mirror, wearing shoes that are blatantly going to give them back problems blonde bimbos. Meh. I do however now have pink, black and green hair. Mmmm.
(2) Being too hungover to complete a challenge. This weeks challenge is to insert two funny phrases from comedy shows into everyday situations. Obviously aggrevated by the fact that this weeks two phrases are;
"Immac my pant moustache" from Spoons &
"Purple headed womb ferret" from Extras
I will try harder tomorrow.
(3) Realising that last night was merely a dress rehearsal for the birthday boy and I have to go out and abuse my liver some more tonight in the interests of friendship.
(4) Fireworks. All weekend, all night coming at my house. Annoying. Setting them off in the day is just an attempt to get me to bite off my own arm in frustration and merely reminds me of Land of the dead. Braindead fuckwits.
(5) Why couldn't you just fucking leave it at home? This task does not require two of you to be here, especially as you only have a basket. You're probably just trying to bond now that you don't have sex any more because she's not in the mood, and we all know her fanny will never quite be the same again. Leave the screaming 'bundle of joy' at home before I beat it to death with this box of Mr Kipling Bramley Apple pies. Urgh. Babiesin supermarkets. WRONG.
Partidge-ism of the day;
"Hello, I'm a communist with a gun .... I hate you lot .... I've just thrown the Royal Family off a plane ... can I use your toilet please? Un-bloody believable"
New random memories from last night;
Finding out that Rob has the power to tame babies in the same way that Crocodile Dundee can calm animals
Watching a horrible video involving a woman giving head to ET
Trying to convince Daniel that I had fucked his mum up the ass using a school bus and a well lubricated fish cake
Strongbow, Guinness, WKD Blue, Spiced Rum, Bombay Sapphire, Desperados, Black Sambuca, Chocolate Schnapps, random bottled french cider, Carling.
Side effects include nausea, dizziness, stupidity, the inability to stand, speech impedements, and some believe the ability to fly.
You know it's been a good night when;
♥ You have to text your best friend with the words 'are you alive' the next day
♥ You go into Bar Schnapps and are actually more fucked than the staff are
♥ You get phone calls from friends the next morning asking you if you know details from the previous night (unexplained bruising, how they got home etc etc)
♥ You manage to get hilarious "i'm a stand up comedian" tramp to sing happy birthday to your friend
I hate birthday nights out. Last night had been (or so i thought) a pretty safe night out. Trainers on so as to not get dragged to trendy shitholes, a mere 30 for the evenings liquid entertainment and the safety of Sunday licensing hours. I just seem to attract trouble.
Amusing anecdote from last week .... two friends of mine had woken up last monday, as had my good self, to find rude dawbings on their arms. Kieran had the words 'Mike loves my ass' and Rob had 'Mike bums boys'. After I had left for the evening everyone ended up in the casino. For a change. No really.
It had taken them a few hours to work out why the dealer was giving them such funny looks. It was then that they realised that both being in short sleeve shirts of a certain length and with the order in which they were sitting they were sending an unknown message to the dealer;
"my ass .... bums boys".
Fantastic. I had to surrender my eyeliner at the start of the evening.
Annoyances of the day;
(1) Receptionnists at hairdressers that are mentally incapable of correctly booking appointments. May have been caused by too many styling products close to the skull. Having FULLY explained what needed doing to my hair they booked me in for a three hour cut & colour session. Six and a half hours later and my hair has not so much as seen a pair of scissors yet. Fucking pompous 'ooohh we work for Toni & Guy so we think we're fucking great', sit on their bony arses at a desk filing their nails, spend too much time looking in the mirror, wearing shoes that are blatantly going to give them back problems blonde bimbos. Meh. I do however now have pink, black and green hair. Mmmm.
(2) Being too hungover to complete a challenge. This weeks challenge is to insert two funny phrases from comedy shows into everyday situations. Obviously aggrevated by the fact that this weeks two phrases are;
"Immac my pant moustache" from Spoons &
"Purple headed womb ferret" from Extras
I will try harder tomorrow.
(3) Realising that last night was merely a dress rehearsal for the birthday boy and I have to go out and abuse my liver some more tonight in the interests of friendship.
(4) Fireworks. All weekend, all night coming at my house. Annoying. Setting them off in the day is just an attempt to get me to bite off my own arm in frustration and merely reminds me of Land of the dead. Braindead fuckwits.
(5) Why couldn't you just fucking leave it at home? This task does not require two of you to be here, especially as you only have a basket. You're probably just trying to bond now that you don't have sex any more because she's not in the mood, and we all know her fanny will never quite be the same again. Leave the screaming 'bundle of joy' at home before I beat it to death with this box of Mr Kipling Bramley Apple pies. Urgh. Babiesin supermarkets. WRONG.
Partidge-ism of the day;
"Hello, I'm a communist with a gun .... I hate you lot .... I've just thrown the Royal Family off a plane ... can I use your toilet please? Un-bloody believable"
New random memories from last night;
Finding out that Rob has the power to tame babies in the same way that Crocodile Dundee can calm animals
Watching a horrible video involving a woman giving head to ET
Trying to convince Daniel that I had fucked his mum up the ass using a school bus and a well lubricated fish cake
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
Can you get 'glow in the dark' hair?
edited to insert grammar
[Edited on Nov 09, 2005 5:35PM]
ok here's what i should say, being a gentleman, What a lovely new 'hair do' young lady!
(this is the first time ive ever used the term 'young lady' quite exciting for me!)