Edited as this was a BIG rant about my night out ... needless to say it had to go. I can be such a whiny bitch sometimes. Let's just say it wasn't the best night out i've ever had and having spent 11hrs out i came home sober. Not pleasing.

Top five things from last night;

(1) That embarassing moment when the music stops just as you're saying something really stupid. It was at this point when a female friend of mine (who had been trying to shout over the music) pointed to me and uttered that brilliant sentence only usually heard in church "you masturbate and you like porn so you're obviously going to burn in hell". Cue lots of people staring. Some guy bought me a drink after though so hey ... it's fine .... *ahem*

(2) If you insert a WH Smiths clubcard into a cash machine it will ask you to select a language, put in you pin and choose the amount of money to withdraw before it realises that you haven't actually inserted a bank card.

(3) My list of exciting places i've had sex isn't exciting enough. I've been the proud holder of that title for a few months now following an escapade on the roof of a cinema/arts centre on a Sunday afternoon in broad daylight with people sat drinking below. I've now been outdone. A friend of mine has had sex in an ice cream van. Major achievement ... hangs head in shame

(4) We've established that I seem to enjoy getting people into trouble when i go out. My best friend pointed out the time when we were in our local bar and i merely turned to him, pointed to some weird guy who happened to be wearing a bandana and said (in a very non-politically correct way at all, my apologies in advance) "do you think he'll get to go to Disneyland this year?" knowing full well that when my best friend is on the Gin he tends to get very loud and very inappropriate. I mean ... i didn't tell him to spin round, point to the guy and shout the word Leukaemia did i? And it's not my fault that the only thing i could think to say at the time was "You've got leukeamia ... i'm gonna crack your bones".

(5) A very long discussion about tattoos that then stemmed into a debate about what chinese symbols actually do mean and if sometimes people get 'misled' as to what they mean. My friend for example said that he'd probably go in to get the symbol for peace and come out with the symbol for egg fried rice. This then inevitably led to a bet where i dared him to go get a chinese tattoo that translates to 'free prawn crackers with every order over 7' and then see how many chinese people would be kind enough to tell him.

I think i may be suffering from Alan Partridge withdrawl ... i gave a friend both my DVDs to watch some 3mths ago and haven't seen them since. It pretty much came to a head last night when i was attempting to make as many Alan Partridge quotes fit the conversation as i could. If i couldn't think of one it was a simple "kiss my face", "cashback" or "back of the net". "Jackanackanory" always a favourite. For some reason no-one seemed to want to talk about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre, or the fact that coffee machines are the future and kettles are saaaaaaaad. Gutted.

Right i'm off to the BP Garage for a mushroom slice ...

Needless to say i had the last laugh