Sometimes you read a news story and it has gruesome details of domestic violence. It triggers something deep inside you. It triggers sickness and pain that you wish you could leave buried. More than once you have wished you could obtain the device in Men in Black that permanently erases your memory of something. You wish those memories did not exist. You wonder if you will ever fully heal. You wonder if you can ever fully trust and love someone again without living in fear and anxiety, or without wanting to run away over any stupid little thing. You tend to run away before things get too serious, or too real, before you or he gets too attached. It has been years but the scars are still there, inside and outside. The ones on the inside are the hardest to erase. You wonder how many more years you will continue to be affected by triggers. Maybe for the rest of your life..
Sometimes you wonder why you went through everything you did. But then you remember you survived. You survived for a reason. You often wonder if you will stay single forever. You know you will be okay if you do. But many nights you are still lonely. You still miss having a companion, a best friend and someone to cuddle and kiss, and laugh with over silly stupid things. You have faith that the God you were taught to believe in has always protected you and given you the strength to fight and survive. You have hope and faith that that same God has a plan in mind for you, and that it will all be revealed in time. You can close your eyes and rest peacefully knowing you are loved, you are safe and you are alive.
